Caretaking

            In being newly single, I’ve been considering new options in dating, and finding an annoyingly gendered tendency in my thoughts.

            I’m kind of riddled with mental health issues that make me less than competent at taking care of myself. I tend to procrastinate on everything and avoid doing dishes, get really sad and don’t feel like doing anything, and feel unable to make myself food. In all the relationships I’ve been in this year, I’ve been with boys willing to put up with and take care of me throughout these issues by encouraging me and even making me food or doing my chores with me.

            Part of this is due to my mental health, but part of it is a gender-related thing. I feel comfortable showing my weakness to people I’ve been dating for such little time because there’s no expectation for me to be strong and independent. Boys can feel strong by taking care of me, even if they’re not stereotypically masculine tough boys.

            Because of this, despite not considering myself straight, I have trouble imagining dating people who don’t have an interest in maintaining a masculine image. If the person I’m with doesn’t care about seeming fragile, I might have to take care of them, which seems overwhelming. I’ve taken care of the people I’ve dated in small ways, like helping them through minor emotional issues, but never in any way that required real consistent effort on my part.

            When I imagine being with someone, I know I’m needy, but the only way I can see my neediness being met is by being with someone who identifies as masculine. I don’t put much stock at all in gender roles and this thought pattern confuses and annoys me.

            Part of this has been because I have culturally supported expectations of relationships in general as complete problem-solvers, but even as I recognize the unhealthiness of my thinking, especially as it effects the boys I’m with and puts pressure on them to take care of me, I can’t help but feel comforted by the idea that there is someone out there to shoulder my burdens with me without me having to worry about doing the same. Despite myself, I can’t see another girl being able to handle everything I need from a partner, and I can’t see myself being able to do for someone else what my partners have done for me. It’s a very specific way that gender roles have permeated my thinking, and it’s such a personal way that it’s hard to dismantle without completely reevaluating my life and my habits.

The Man List

Esquire wrote a piece on how to be a man, http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/a22462/what-is-a-man-0509/
where they tell the readers in detail what it takes, or what it is ti be a man. They even go as far as to tell who is not a man and why. Who are they to tell people what a man is? I mean don't get me wrong some of the points on the list are pretty good and I might have to share them with my husband, but why are they not considered tips for PEOPLE to live by?  Why do men need a list to tell them if they are doing the man thing right?

Iggy Pop Wears a Dress

https://www.facebook.com/fckh8com/photos/a.152651481440222.25064.145318588840178/623322504373115/

Most men would use dressing like a women to show how different they are from women and prove their masculinity by comparison. For example, this image was published by a company called FCKH8, which specializes in equality within genders and sexualities.  In the image, you can see his broad shoulders where a woman's would be small and narrow, and you can clearly see his Adam's apple where a woman would not have one. The image also states Iggy Pop's opinion about dressing like a woman and his belief that it is not shameful because being a woman is not something to be ashamed about. We often idealize men and masculine qualities, thus shaming women simply by comparison because if a woman is feminine they are not masculine, and therefore lesser.

#MasculinitySoFragile

http://www.gurl.com/2015/09/23/masculinitysofragile-hashtag-twitter-tweets/

This website show some of the most popular tweets that have been popping up with the tag #MasculinitySoFragile where people post about things that are potentially emasculating for men. All of these things are super simple things which show how fragile a man's masculinity is. For example, one of the posts even says "#MasculinitySoFragile it's wounded by a hashtag". Something so simple as watching a show that features a princess is considered "gay" because it's about girls wearing dresses and taking care of animals. Masculinity is a construct that can be easily taken a part because it has no ground to stand on. The only thing that keeps masculinity in check is reinforcement from other people and the media. There is no biological determinant of masculinity in men.

What happens to masculinity after marriage and fatherhood?

We had a lot of preparations to make before my husband and I got married. When we first got engaged I assumed our wedding and transition into a married couple wouldn’t be too much different than our current boyfriend/girlfriend roles. But as we started merging our lives together, it was obvious that figuring out how to act has husband/wife would be really challenging. I hadn’t given much thought to it until our premarital classes, where the counselor asked us individually our expectations of the roles of marriage. We ran into issues here. I realized that, because I had been a single mom for the past five years, I had been playing both the stereotypical feminine and masculine roles for my daughter. And my husband was not ok with that. He wanted all of the ‘masculine’ parts of the marriage to fall onto him. 

How practical are those expectations? Turns out, three years into our marriage and our roles are fluid. There have been times where I am the one working 40+ hours a week, and he is the one taking care of all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. There have been times where we both did 50/50. And there have been times where he is the one working 40+ hours a week and I do all the home stuff. The good thing is, we’ve never really had to talk about it, we both just adapt to who we need to be.

Another "Lone Gunman"

In the midst of yet another horrific act of gun violence committed by a white man, we are inundated with media coverage asking why. How could this happen, what motivated him, what could we have done to prevent this? In light of our most recent module on masculinity and violence, I can't help but marvel at the lack of discussion of violent masculinity. Every time mass violence occurs are are told the same stories, with the same oversights. Nobody discusses how violence is connected to masculinity, to the ways boys are raised, and the patriarchal structures that tell men the only way to claim manhood is to act out violently. Even farther from the public discourse is the lack of attention to how these violent rampages are almost always committed by white men, who are the most un-threatened group of people in the world. White men sit atop every hierarchical structure, they hold the most power, yet they still lash out in violence when they feel emasculated. 

Masculinity is undoubtedly connected to white supremacy, misogyny, capitalism, and other structures of power. Coverage of violence not only ignores the workings of masculinity that impacts every level of society, but it also affords white men a more positive portrayal in the media. Media also continues to stigmatize mental illness by emphasizing any mental illnesses that white gunmen have, while ignoring the fact that the majority of people with mental health issues never act out in such masculinity-motivated violence. 

 

Being Too Sensitive

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/09/playing-devils-advocate/

More often then not, when a woman attempts to engage in some sort of productive conversation about feminism, or a black person attempts to discuss race issues, or any oppressed group attempts to engage in discourse about the subjugation they face, the conversation is derailed. Why is it that the group in power feels the need to talk over the oppressed group? White people always seem to be talking over black people. Men always seem to be talking over women. Masculinity teaches men-especially white men- that their manhood is directly connected to the amount of power they hold. When a position of power is questioned, so is their very manhood. Seeing as though white men are the holders of power, it makes sense that they employ all sorts of derailing tactics when it comes to discussing things like street harassment. A favorite tactic of derailment is the notion of women being "too sensitive." Sensitivity is a hot topic around social justice topics, and is so clearly a manipulative way to silence and shame oppressed groups. I don't think it's a coincidence that "sensitivity" is portrayed as an abhorrent characteristic trait in a patriarchal culture that forbids any sense of feeling or empathy in masculinity.

Master of None

      

Recently I started watching the show "Master of None". It's a comedy on Netflix starring comedian Aziz Ansari, who portrays a "fully-realized and conflicted character" who doesn't exhibit the usual insecurities of being a "man" that are staples on most sitcoms today. I really like the way Dev, Ansari's character, treats every situation in the show with genuine care and honest emotions. That's not to say his character is perfect. He has flaws, but his problems aren't related to getting a girl to sleep with him or being scared of not appearing manly enough. He focuses on his friends and family and simple everyday issues. Dev and his friend Arnold, played by Eric Wareheim, both "appear to be fully in-tune with their emotions, because they don't buy into the problematic ideals of traditional masculinity." My boyfriend was the one who got me into the show, and he also appreciates the way masculinity is portrayed in a healthier and more realistic way.he show also has a diverse cast and touches on subjects such as immigration, appreciating family, portrayal of Indians in the media, and having children. It's a great show to watch if you're sick of seeing the typical "womanizing" man or typical nerdy/sensitive-guy stereotypes. Below is an article about the show if you're interested in hearing more about it!

http://www.bustle.com/articles/124838-how-master-of-none-subverts-stereotypical-masculinity-by-totally-ignoring-it

My Cheerleader

Let's just start off by saying I am super lucky and super grateful to be dating the man I am. I have dated many different kinds of men and women before including jerks, abusers, and just some that didn't care in general. But being with the person I am with today has shown me a lot of great things about men when they have good morals and are supportive in every way. I grew up with my biological father not really being there, always having excuses for not seeing me or helping my mom out financially. And then when my mother married my step father I got to grow up without my biological father at all and a very emotionally abusive step father. I did not have the kind of man in my life that I should have. Sometimes I would like to count my grandfather but really over the years I have begun to see just how misogynistic he can be as well.

So when I take a step back and look at who I've dated and realized that while a couple weren't that bad I really didn't know anything more than what I had seen but I knew I wanted something more. That came in my current boyfriend. He has come to show me that there are good men out there. He isn't about having power in our relationship, he never discounts anything I ever say or am into, he is supportive, loving, and doesn't care for gender stereotypes. He believes in just being himself no matter what society thinks about gender roles and is a feminist without even realizing sometimes just how much. He puts others before himself whenever he can but stays away from toxic people and situations. He isn't afraid to be kind or caring or show his emotions. We work together on things and talk issues out. We BOTH compromise or find a solution that works for both of us. My mother though she loves my father gives too much of herself while my step father just takes (and sometimes gives back). For example my father wanted a new camera, he got it. If he wanted a motorcycle he bought it. But when my mom wanted a new dinning room table for the family it took her over seven years to get it. And even when my step father disciplined me in a way that my mother didn't approve of she still stood by him because he is "the man of the household".

So I am glad and grateful for my boyfriend. He makes me see some hope for the newer generations of men. He helps me to believe that men can be better and taught better about how to treat themselves and others. He is supportive in everything I do and I am the same way with him. As we like to say "we are on this adventure together." He really is my cheerleader for other men.

Rose Gold- Gay or Not?

CollegeHumor is almost always so amazing in their satiric shorts. In this short, they discuss the new pink iPhone 6s. People, it seems, are concerned on whether or not getting the phone in Rose Gold is gay or not. Because obviously, owning something pink is feminine, and therefore gay. CollegeHumor jokingly renames the color Raw Meat, and Blow Torch, because these are manly things, and #notgay. Because being seen as gay is obviously such a bad thing. And pink is such a gay color, right? Hetero-masculinity is so fragile it seems, that they can be shaken by the color of a phone. It all goes back to the Man-Box I suppose, and how you must always fit inside, and must always be strong and masculine. This video does a great job at poking fun out of this stereotypes, and is well worth a watch.

Mbodiment (Masculinity) Project

Mbodiment (Masculinity) from Bulldog Productions on Vimeo.

THIS VIDEO SHOWS NUDITY

I liked this video because it showed not only men who were born as men who have had to deal with masculinity since birth but also transitioned men who have had to frame themselves in order to fit into what society deems as masculinity. Once they finally transitioned they understood what being a man really meant, that it wasn't really rooted in aggression and power. They emphasized how the actual meaning of masculinity is something that needs to be redefined. Masculinity doesn't just define how a person should act but it also gives men a certain image they have to live up to. Masculine men are successful and are able to provide for themselves and their family, they have sex with many women, they're bodies are big and strong..... "its a package deal" like one of the people from the video mentioned. I found it really interesting also when the person behind the camera asked them to take an article of clothing off if they have ever felt like they were masculine enough, every single person took something off. It shows how masculinity is not something you are but something you have to constantly be aware of and work towards because its not rigid, its fluid and you can easily fall out of the man box.

Bond, James Bond

Over the holidays, I saw the new James Bond movie with my dad. We had been waiting to see it together, and it was worth the wait. I was so happy that [SPOILER] no women died!!! A first since like the 70s. But it made me think back to the previous movie, Skyfall. That movie is one of my favorites ever. There's one scene in it in particular, however, that caught my attention, and that I will be discussing here. Right after Bond meets Silva, the main villain, on his island, he is tied up and caressed by the villain. It is a very sexual scene, and yet, it is unwanted. Bond did not consent to the touching, so it is sexual assault, which is very unique for men to be shown this way, especially in an action movie.
James Bond is a staple of American childhood. Even if you haven't seen any of the movies about him, or read the books, and I had not until I was 16, you grow up hearing his name. You know his drink (martini, shaken, not stirred), his infamous way of saying his name (Bond, James Bond), his credentials (Secret Agent 007 for Mi6, License to Kill), and the fact that he is a suave ladies man (the Bond Girls). He is a symbol of what true masculinity is, strong, clever, well-off, debonair, and a myriad of other things. So for him to be sexually assaulted is a huge thing. This thing normally happens only to women, and a man has to save them. No one saves Bond, he is forced to go suffer through, and Daniel Craig's acting was so amazing at this point. He's pretty much helpless, and has to just keep going forward, and he tries so hard to stay strong, and clever with his little quips and remarks, and that really resonated in me. I think we definitely need more of this multi-dimensional action hero, who can be tough and strong, and still be hurt, in more than an 'oh this girl I've known for 30 minutes and had a short relationship with has gotten killed because of me' kind of way. This shows more of a real character than the typical manly-man, and shows that men are and can be sexually assaulted, and can help people speak out about such a topic.

"Be a Man"

This video shows how the phrase "be a man" is interpreted by men from different ages ranging from 5-50. It's interesting to see how even the youngest boy already has a definition for those words because we start to instill what being a man means since birth. When little boys cry or show emotion we tend to be more intolerable because boys aren't supposed to show emotions. They learn from early age that men are strong and tough. Some of the men took a different approach to the phrase. They understood that the phrase can also have derogatory connotations that aren't necessarily useful to men. It puts men into a box where they have to act a certain way that fits in to that box in a very one-dimensional way. Some of them mentioned how being a man meant being "hardworking", "strong", "honest", and "tough" but these aren't necessarily characteristics of just men; women can be all those things too. Society gives certain characteristics a gender category and thus prevents both women and men from being who they really are from fear of not fitting into those categories and being bullied. "Theres not real definition of what that is to be a man, but theres is an assumption when someone says it like that, that there is a very clear definition of what men should be." The phrase "be a man" itself is a reinforcer of those values that tell men how they should and shouldn't act.

"Radical Softness as a Weapon"

This is a collection by Lora Mathis called "Radical Softness as a Weapon". Here she tries to document how she believes masculinity has taken over our culture and has turned emotions and feelings against us. With these images she tries to embody how sharing your emotions can be used as a weapon against the society we live in, that prioritizes lack of emotions and strength. Masculinity has often carried with it the notion that emotions are weak and are preserved for those who aren't strong enough. It's considered emasculative to show feelings because that's something only girls can do. It's damaging to boys because they can't express themselves, and it's damaging to society because it makes us less empathetic to our people.

http://loramathis.com

Let me mansplain something to you...

I am thinking how grateful I am how my boyfriend doesn't mansplain anything to me as my mother talks about how my grandfather and father don't listen to her and constantly disregard her in certain things like issues happening with her car. I honestly don't know how she puts up with it. I used to with significant others in the past and always felt like it was condescending and like I was pretty much being told I was stupid. It in part ended a lot of my relationships because I just couldn't take it anymore. If you haven't heard the term mansplaining before here's Wikipedia's definition:

"Mansplaining covers a heterogeneous mix of mannerisms in which a speaker's reduced respect for the stance of a listener, or a person being discussed, appears to have little reason behind it other than the speaker's assumption that the listener or subject, being female, does not have the same capacity to understand as a man. It also covers situations in which it appears a person is using a conversation primarily for the purpose of self-aggrandizement — holding forth to a female listener, presumed to be less capable, in order to appear knowledgeable by comparison."

 Now as a man reading this one might ask if he has ever done this or joked about doing this to a woman. As a woman the question does not even need to posed to her if this has happened, because it has. Usually there a lot of jokes made about this but in all reality it turns into something a lot more dangerous. This becomes dangerous when for example as I wrote about my mother talking about the car issue and she almost ended up in a river due to a problem with her brakes because my father wouldn't listen to her that there was an issue and he had to mansplain to her that she was just being crazy and cars don't work in the way she was describing the problem. He didn't believe her until he drove the car a week later and almost had an accident. Then it was a problem. But he never apologized or acknowledged the issue to my mom after that. Rebecca Solnit wrote an amazing book called Men Explain Things to Me and how it actually hurts everyone in the long term and the real life issues it causes. Long story short my mom could have died because my father had to mansplain to her. Now he loves my mom a lot don't get me wrong, but she could have died because of it. Men need to wake up and realize that this is hurting the ones they love.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansplaining

http://www.haymarketbooks.org/pb/Men-Explain-Things-to-Me

http://mansplained.tumblr.com/

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/11/a-cultural-history-of-mansplaining/264380/

Disconnect and 2D women

Men have such a huge disconnect from women and the world that women live in. A lot of times as women we think that it's only because that is just how men are. We think that for us as women it creates a ton of problems and we are taught that men are the enemy and are dangerous (of course we're also taught that they are our protectors....no wonder it's so hard to trust men completely). But as a women and being taught these things it's sometimes really hard for us to take a step back and realize it's not just hurting women, it's also hurting men. A lot. It's hard to see because men have so much entitlement and power in comparison to women but it's true that men are hurt just as much by their disconnect.

Earlier this year an anime music video came out in Japan that shows just how men are affected by such a disconnect. The music video was made as an in depth psychological view as to how viewing women as objects, especially sexual objects, ends up hurting the man's relationship. He can only view his girlfriend as a sweet girl who doesn't think about sex. At least not in the way he does. The main female in the video is shown in the beginning as his perfect sexual desire. She is sweet, cute, and submissive. He has a hard thinking that girls can be anything more than submissive and when a women starts to take control he doesn't know how to handle the situation. When the female starts to show her own desires he doesn't like it; a flash back to perhaps why him and his girlfriend are no more. There are two ways really this video can be looked at. The first is how I just described and the second is that he cannot get rid of his sexual thoughts towards 2D girls and would rather be with them than his girlfriend because he just cannot relate to her. It causes a break up in their relationship but either way it shows that he has a strong disconnect from women in general and it ends up hurting him and his relationship.

This video was originally done to show that this is rising concern that has been growing with men in Japan. This is such a concern because a lot of men are not getting married and/or are choosing to stick with their 2D women (anime, hentai/porn, video games, and manga/comics) versus trying to make an actual relationship or even have sex with real living breathing women.

Anime Females vs. Real Women

Link to the music video Me! Me! Me! is below. Please be advised this video is GRAPHIC.

https://vimeo.com/120809172

Turtle Shirt Trouble

I have a cousin who currently works in merchandising at SeaWorld and she always tells me stories about her encounters with customers. She told me a story about a father and son she helped recently. The son was young, probably in the 3rd or 4th grade, and was looking at t-shirts with his dad. The shirt he ended up picking featured a large sea turtle with hearts on its eyes. It didn't have any bright or traditionally female colors on it, but the father was apparently deeply disturbed by the tiny hearts. He yelled "You can't get that! That's a girl's shirt!" When the son continued to express his desire for the shirt, completely indifferent to the hearts, the dad yelled the same statement at him again and proceeded to drag his son out of the store without any shirt at all.

Of course we both discussed how ridiculous the dad was and how much of an overreaction it was to yell about the shirt and drag his son away. What I want to know was what was so bad about those tiny hearts? Was he afraid of his son looking "girly" or was he afraid of what other people would think of his son for wearing it? Was this inability to allow his son to wear something even remotely feminine worth embarrassing his son and causing a scene? Does he have some sort of inner issue that he's reflecting on his son or is he just passionate about being the gender role police?

It always amazes me when fathers act this way. Kids are often (not always) blind to the societal rules placed on us. They just like what they like and don't understand what's wrong with it. He didn't care one bit about the hearts, he just really likes sea turtles. What he wanted was a souvenir from his trip, and what he got was a harsh lesson on staying in line with what's expected of him.

Men and Emotions: A Conversation with my Dad

Since I don't drive, my dad always picks me up when I want to visit home for the weekend. During those hour long drives between Orlando and home we discuss anything from celebrity gossip to race relations in America. I had been reflecting a lot on the readings and videos about violent masculinity, and recently I decided to ask him about how he handles emotions. He's a very positive and kind-hearted person and always boasts about how much he loves life. He's always singing and dancing around the house and always has a ridiculous "dad joke" ready to go. I've never seen my dad stressed or sad or even a little gloomy. I definitely have never seen him cry.

To be honest, I expected him to pour out his soul and express the hardships of having to stifle his emotions. I expected him to say he wished he didn't have to hide how he felt and could have honest conversations about his feelings. However, that's not what I got. Instead, my dad just said he never really has bad days and that he can't recall ever feeling like life was beating him up. It's not even like he grew up exceptionally privileged, he genuinely just sees the good in every day. However, he did say that he doesn't think as a father, it'd be okay to cry in front of me or my sister. He said that it's a father's job to show strength and a kid seeing their father outside of that image would be frightening. My dad also mentioned that there are very few things in life a man should cry over. When I asked him why he felt that way he simply said "I don't know, that's just the way it is."

Some details of the conversation have been omitted in respect to my dad, but I've come to a couple conclusions:

1. My dad is either a happiness phenomenon or he's not being totally honest about never feeling sad (is that truly even possible?)

2. I somewhat agree that fathers showing weakness is a little scary for their children because we aren't used to seeing them that way. A lot of people see their dads as superheroes so when that idea is shattered it's a shock. However, does that mean that rule is right?

3. A lot of times when men are asked about the gender roles we are expected to live by, they think of them the same way my dad does. Society can change and the social rules we live by can change as well. By taking this class we're learning so many things that can be put toward positively changing our world.

All in all, I plan on revisiting this conversation with my dad and digging much deeper. For those of you who have fathers in your lives that you are comfortable having conversations like this with, ask him about how he handles his emotions and if he would ever cry in front of you. I hope you generate a healthy discussion about masculinity and learn more about your dad!

Prostitution - Females and Males - choice or not

I recently read an article on male prostitution in Australia, these men are known as ‘rent boys.’  The young man (26 yrs.) being interviewed pointed out people’s misconception that all sex workers were strung out on drugs or forced into the line of work.  Instead he said being a sex worker was something he chose to do and he found it both satisfying and lucrative.  He believed men were not stereotyped as badly as women and thought as a male he was less likely to be taken advantage of.   This young man catered to both men and women.

In another article, young women discuss their decisions to be sex workers and how they thought the imagery from sex trafficking “depicted all prostitution as harmful.”  Other young women said they have very different experiences from women who were sex trafficked.  These women are also posting their faces to twitter as one women notes, people talks about our bodies but never put a face to it.

In Australia most states accepted licensed prostitution however there are different rule for each state.  Some allow brothels, some do not, all, criminalize street walking.  The alliance for sex workers in Australia is called the Scarlet Alliance.  This group supports the reporting of and prosecuting of people who traffic or use people in sex slavery and is active in providing assistance to those in need. The also advocate for their rights as workers and to have mea-

sures in place to prevent violence in the workplace.  (Please note that many countries have sex worker alliances who are advocating for similar things.)

 Another article I read focused on young women, college students, who looked for older men to be involved in “mutually beneficial, trans-actional dating” (Kirby) this really is just another word for being a sex worker.  She does admit being a prostitute to the reporter and reiterates the work is very lucrative and is paying for her college.  There was an article a couple of years ago, which spoke to this exact same issue occurring here in Florida.  So we know, this is not only related to young women, young men also participate in sex work to pay their way through college too.  

Many of us look at sex work as being aberrant however, there are many people throughout history and currently in the world who have made conscious choices to follow this line of work for various reasons. In one of my previous classes, there was a woman who identified as being a sex worker.

What is interesting in my reading on this subject, is a growing number of women who are seeking the services of a sex worker.  Sometimes it is for an escort, sometimes, it is because the woman has become so busy, they do not have time to seek out relationships. There is also a booming business in female sex tourism, where women travel to other countries and meet up with men.   It appears as far as being a john or johnette, women may be heading the way of our male counterparts on this matter.

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/true-stories/australias-rent-boys-male-prostitution-is-everywhere-sex-industry-boss-says/news-story/faf8efff03b7cfb725a29a276151bd81

BBC Trending.  3 April 2015. http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-32165949

Kirby, Emma Jane 17 June 2015. The women seeking rich older men to pay their university fees.  BBC:Magazine

Planned Parenthood Shooting

Unfortunately yesterday, November 27, 2015, there was yet another shooting.

At a Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado, Robert Lewis Dear entered the building and wreaked havoc, not only on the small shopping plaza where the Planned Parenthood building was located but also on the state of Colorado and the nation as a whole.

These shootings are jarring and when one dwells on them too much, the thought becomes overwhelming.

This incident correlates with much of Jackson Katz's agenda. Violence to this degree is a mens issue. And though this is not directly related to "gender violence" the argument could be made for it. Planned Parenthood is a facility that caters to women's health and would primarily contain women within the walls of the building. The shooter's motives, though unclear, doesn't necessarily demonstrate support for women's rights.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/27/us/colorado-shooting-probe/

"Confessions of a Masculist"

Maybe its cheating to reference a blog post in one's own blog post but I'm doing it anyway!

I've been following Rebecca Woolf, of Girls Gone Child, for a few years now. She's been in the blogging game a good long while, ten years from the look of her archive, and I always glean some insight and inspiration from her posts. She mostly writes about her children but this isn't your typical "mommy blogger". Rebecca is hardcore and delves into issues, having lived her whole life in progressive California, and often writes about her failures as a parent, which often lead to enlightenment of some degree.

Being a mother of three daughters, she is an outright advocate for women's rights and strong women and everything that accompanies that. But she is also a mother to a young boy, the oldest of the children, who is incredibly sensitive and wise beyond his years and takes on a nurturing role with his younger sisters and seeks solace in activities such as music and ballroom dance. All fairly unique traits for men to present proudly to the world but Archer (the son) usually does.

Why I find this particular post interesting is the use of the term, "masculist", which I had never heard prior to reading this article. The term is essentially what you think, and Rebecca continues in the blog to reference how many boys, as a result of "man shaming" and lack of support, grow up to demonstrate Peter Pan Syndrome.

She writes:

"I grew up with boys who never grew up. I have lived with men, lost... Some would call them "losers" but fuck it, if women are or were ever "victims of the times" then so are many men today. "

 Such an interesting concept to think of men as victims of their time, considering their status as the "dominant group" but we place expectations that are altogether unfair. 

Girls Gone Child Article

Stop It With the Friendzone Already

I've dated a lot of different kinds of people and while some of them were the typical jerks, some weren't. And then there's a lot of guys that see themselves as good or nice guys and don't even realize that well, they aren't as nice as they think they are. These are the types of guys that think they if they are nice to girls and are there for them in times of need or buy them things or are friends first then they'll get to date that particular girl. Even if right then and there that girl isn't interested in them they will be later. When that doesn't happen and things don't go the way the 'nice' guy wants they get mad and claim they get friendzoned. In all reality these guys had no intention of being friends with said girl unless they got to date or have sex with them; like women are just something to collect or own and don't have their own individual feelings and complex emotions.

But where does the idea that men have a right to a women's emotions and bodies? Honestly it seems like the perpetual myth that if a man sticks with it long enough and keeps pursuing her she'll eventually cave and fall madly in love with said nice guy comes from the media; but especially it comes from movies and TV shows. There are a TON of movies and TV shows in which this happens. Best example is Ross from the TV show Friends. He is such a jerk to Rachel all the time and she gives him tons of chances. But every time he messes up or she has something else better than him he still looks at it like he deserves her because he's a 'nice' guy. Also taking a look at the kid, Elliot Rodger, who took the lives of several people all because women weren't interested in a great guy like himself. These guys aren't really nice guys they just think they are. Men are being taught that they don't actually have to be nice guys to get girls, they just deserve them for ACTING nice. This is not helping men, it's hindering them. And it's annoying for women.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings

http://cavemancircus.com/2011/10/24/nice-guy-syndrome-what-it-is-and-why-you-should-kill-it-with-fire/

http://www.anamardoll.com/2012/09/deconstruction-why-i-dislike-ross-geller.html

Male Ignorance is Bliss

So talking with many men and having just dealt with the males in my family during Thanksgiving I happened upon something quite interesting. Men are completely and totally unaware of a ton of things that they do or say to the women they are with. And they have NO idea how much they are hurting the women they are with or hurting their relationship with them. A prime example is that on the day of Thanksgiving my mom, aunt, and grandmother were all in the kitchen cooking. The men were off chatting in the living room and watching TV. I happened to be in the kitchen but not cooking; I was studying to take the GRE. A test kind of like the SAT or ACT but for grad school. My uncle walked into the kitchen to grab a snack (not to offer any kind of help - let's be honest) and saw that I was not helping cook. He asked why I wasn't helping the women cook and when I (and the other women cooking) responded that I was studying for a test he balked and said it couldn't be that important and I should do some real work. When I tried to explain why it was so important he blew me off completely and made a misogynistic comment. I have loved and admired my uncle since I was a child but over the years his comments and actions towards women (myself included) have made me loose respect for him and distance myself. We used to be close and every winter he would take me skiing. Now I never talk to him expect maybe once a year during family gatherings and he doesn't understand why. He misses our relationship from when I was a child. Maybe male ignorance isn't bliss after all.

For more male ignorance:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9789921/Sexism-or-ignorance-Men-who-fail-to-do-housework-often-dont-see-the-need.html

Hurting Men in the Workplace Hurts Everyone

There seems to be a lot of problems today between the sexes. It has been a battle for the longest time and it really hurts both genders constantly. But today is supposed to have a much smaller gender gap right? We would like to think so. Women have more rights right? They can vote, hold really good jobs, men even stay at home instead of working now too. But the reality is that today there is still a massive gap between the two genders; especially in the work place. Most men can't see it as easily as women can. Women still face sexual harassment and lower wages (and if you're a woman of color then you probably make even less).

But here's the harsh truth, it doesn't just hurt women it hurts men too. The current workplace teaches women to be team players whereas men are taught to do things on their own. This might not seem like such a big deal but take a closer look at things. If men have a problem they don't know how to resolve then they may not ask for help. Because asking for help is looked at as weak and men cannot be considered weak in the eyes of others. Even if this hurts them or the company in the long run they may delay asking for help or don't ask at all. It also creates a sense of entitlement for men because they are strong and can look down at women who make less than them. They are still the 'breadwinners'. Or at least they are supposed to be and if they aren't it hurts their ego. And for some men if their ego is bruised they take it out on others, other co-workers and wives. Because men are taught that their rage must go towards someone else other than themselves. In essence it hurts everyone.

One more issue about the workforce is there is lots of sexual discrimination towards women. Mainly when they are going for positions of power like CEO or engineering jobs for example. Jobs that are mostly considered male jobs. But men can face the same exact problems, just a bit in reverse. There are a lot of jobs that are considered women's jobs such as being a secretary or a nurse. Up until recently being a flight attendant was a women's only job. So the implication then is even if a man is a heterosexual man if he takes on any of these jobs he is considered less of a man and/or gay. This creates a problem when men apply for jobs because they are less likely to get in for an interview or get the job because it is seen as a women's job.

http://woman.thenest.com/female-vs-male-roles-workplace-14452.html

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2006/feb/25/discriminationatwork.workandcareers1