You're pretty for your age

This post was inspired by another post on this blog, "I don't even know your name", which talks about a server’s experience with men. I work in a hotel restaurant, so often times we have a lot of lonely (and/or single/ready to cheat on their wives) business men traveling through. The restaurant in the hotel I work in includes a big open bar in the center. As a hostess, I stand in the front of the restaurant, which is in the main lobby of the hotel. I am one of the first faces people see when walking in. Often times men come in the hotel with their luggage, and head straight to the bar. My hostess stand is immediately in front of the bar. The amount of snarky/ catcall like comments I've received from men is disgusting. 

These are the men who usually "flaunt" their worth, whether it be throwing their high paying job title into our conversation, wearing flashy designer items/jewelry, or them flat out expressing that they have money they are willing to spend if they receive what they desire. I think it’s interesting how men who have a greater amount of power, whether it be wealth or social status think they are entitled to say and act how they please. The snarkiest men I've met are often the richest, because they believe they are untouchable. 

A good example for a wealthy snarky man is Donald Trump. One statement Trump said was "Grab them by the pussy.”

Accountability is not a hit and run

Terry Crews was one of the people who I was the proudest of when he came out to talk about masculinity and toxic masculinity. Terry was a victim of witnessing his mother get abused, and his environment that he grew up in raised him to believe that he needed to have a "Pimp mentality." He was instructed to lie, cheat and abuse women to make sure they were submissive to him. He knew this was wrong and never wanted to grow up this way, but he had to be strong and play this "Toxic game." He grew up in this direction and gained the money, the strength, the power, the image, the fame and to show for it his wife left him. He admitted to his own faults for being toxically masculine, took accountability for the things that he did to his wife and wants everyone to hear that it was unacceptable for him, so everyone else should also be accountable for being this way. He did not hide and use how he was raised as an excuse for being abusive but wants to spread awareness on how wrong it is to follow in this toxic game. Accountability is not a "Hit and Run," it is paying your dues.

Ball and Chain: The Culture of Heterosexual Marriage

Do you know what the second image result is when searching Google for “wedding cake toppers”? A bride pulling her groom along by the leg. Do you get the joke? Men hate their wives! Marriage is a trap and it’s oppressing the men! And my God, there are so many of these.

A man about to be married once confided in me that he did not want to go through with it and only proposed because he considered marriage to be a social obligation. He told me that he had to get married at some point, so it might as well be with the woman he'd been dating for almost 10 years at that point.

There’s an idea in our culture that women, desperate for marriage, hunt and trap men for that purpose. That women are on a conquest to snare unsuspecting men into their devious plans of marriage. It's portrayed sadistic and evil, yet also pathetic. Men, in the meantime, must suffer in their shackles to these women.

There are obvious historical reasons for this. While marriage traditionally helped men “pass on their name” by having children, many men would prefer not to be beholden to one partner. We see this in sitcoms, as the friends of bachelors try to psych them out: “Dude, can you even imagine being with one person for the rest of your life?” How often do you see women being asked this question? Women, who have historically relied on the social capital of their husbands and thus needed more security, had more incentive to be married--and soon, because social structures have often made courtship into a competition and men don’t really like to be with women their own age or older. So, for men, the foundation of marriage is a contract that gets them children for the price of having to provide for and be faithful to their wife (and still, they found ways around that).

In the modern day, our connotations of marriage have changed, as have our understandings of romance. But the structure of marriage seems to be incompatible with many of our modern tendencies, especially when it has served so long to maintain the division between genders.

Many fearful traditional thinkers have cited the high divorce rates of the 20th century as an indication of the downfall of Western Civilization because of Evil Feminism. But they actually indicated a social change that put more power in the hands of women, especially those in abusive situations. Plus, divorce rates have gone down since then, presumably because people’s approaches to marriage have caught up with their attitudes about romance and partnership.

Perhaps we can hope that the “ball and chain” mentality will finally be killed within the next generation or two, among people with a better understanding of gender relations and romantic partnerships. Maybe we'll even kill the idea that marriage is an obligation for anyone.

Society Condoning Violence

I wanted to discuss this video we were required to watch for this weeks module about wrestling and masculinity. Basically, even though not many people take professional wrestling seriously, it is still a popular televised series of events that will probably never end. Wrestling has quite a large impact on society and men specifically because they are seeing these well built men confronting other men and challenging them to fight to see who is the "better man". These men get extremely physical with each other but never seem to suffer any physical consequences ("happy violence") which, in a way, is showing young men that violence is acceptable and you, or the opponent, will not suffer serious injuries.

I have personally never been interested in wrestling and if I am being honest, it is actually quite intimidating to me. I never understood why anyone would want to watch this kind of thing and enjoy it. People are always entertained by watching others get hurt and if they are so easily entertained by this, what does that say about the morality of our society? Thinking about that terrifies me because if people do not take fighting, bullying, and injury serious, how can we take charge of putting an end to violence? How will boys and young men know that violence is not the answer to their problems if it is plastered all over the media and is enjoyed by large portions of society?

https://youtu.be/ikDXcfzA848

Whatdya’ Know, Girls Can Do Math Too

Whatdya’ Know, Girls Can Do Math Too

Although we have come a long way when considering how we view differences between men and women, some old wives tales still make their way into the public consciousness. One that, as a millennial woman, has always dumbfounded me was the utterance of men being naturally better at math. I have memories of my grandmother saying “oh boys are just good at that stuff” and then being perplexed at my brothers failing math grades. And haven’t we all seen the infamous episode of Sex and The City where Charlotte rebuffs the offer by a male artist to dress in drag saying she would be terrible as a man then using the example that she’s bad at math to further her point. I had never subscribed to this belief myself, as I knew girls who were good at math and boys who were bad at it. But I can’t deny that it is a common myth and when used, defended by comparing the amount of men in STEM fields versus women. It is a myth that anyone in women and gender studies would scoff at, or at the least want to expound upon further with obvious cultural causes to this so-called phenomenon.

So when NPR published their newest article talking about how young girls and boys views math the same way at an early age, feminists everywhere sighed a collective… duh. Despite the information being clearly laid out, some still go back to same old tired arguments. What we do know is that at an early age certain parts of the brain are engaged different in boys then in girls. This is done through socialization and different types of toys offered depending on gender. Boys get Legos and building blocks, girls get dolls and play make up. Some large inroads have been made from my grandmother’s time to now, but if these topics are still being researched and debated, and articles are still being written it shows that we still have a long way to go.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/11/08/777187543/math-looks-the-same-in-the-brains-of-boys-and-girls-study-finds

Kavanaugh and Myths Around Sexual Assault

Kavanaugh and Myths Around Sexual Assault

Last year our country was overtaken by the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court of the United States. After his nomination Christine Blasey Ford, a former acquaintance from his youth accused him of sexual assault years prior. What followed was a media avalanche of coverage, with both side of the political aisle weighing in on what they deemed plausible, and what they didn’t. Since time has passed we all know that his accuser was heavily scrutinized and he was eventually sworn in to the highest court in the land. Some common themes and myths were repeated throughout this discourse that have strong implications for how our society deals with sexual assault, and our expectations for males in their teenage years.

In this article we have four neuroscientists and 3 criminologists weigh in on common myths about teens and sexual assault. This article discusses our misled beliefs about the types of people who commit these crimes, how teenagers are more susceptible to assaulting people because of poor impulse control, and an underdeveloped brain, and also myths regarding the memories ability to recall traumatic events.

A common theme during this review was that Brett Kavanaugh, as a young teenage boy, wasn’t the type of person to commit this type of crime, if he DID commit the crime it was due to teenage immaturity and a lack of impulse control, and it is the victims memory which should be highly questioned. But the truth behind these events paint quite a different picture. One point that stood out to me was the belief that teen sexual assault was driven by poor impulse control, when in actuality peer pressure had a much larger effect on behavior like this. The research had found that teenagers were much more likely to commit sexual assault when they were encouraged by friends or had friends who also committed such behaviors.

If this is true, what are the implications of this research when considering our culture and the prevalence of sexual assault among young males? We know that the vast majority of assaults are committed by males, and the victims of such are largely women. We also know that most assaults have a power aspect to them. Is our culture truly a rape culture? And if so, why is it so hard to believe an accuser when the behavior DOES fit an obvious pattern?

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/why-boys-will-be-boys-is-an-unscientific-excuse-for-assault

Boys Will Be Boys

Boys Will Be Boys

In This Tedtalk We listen to Niobe Way, a well known professor and leading researcher in adolescent behavior, speak about the phrase “boys will be boys.” Her talk focuses on male relationships throughout childhood and adolescence and how it changes as boys grow older. Initially we see the same types of relationships with boys as we see with girls. Close friendships and an acknowledgment of how important those friendships are to their mental health are the things Way’s research subjects spoke about. As the boys age we see a loss of these friendships and a tendency for older adolescent boys to be isolated, and disappointed by a loss of those close friendships.

The talk further goes into our cultures way of pushing an emotionally stoic and independent personality onto males in our society. Any close male friendships are questioned and the boys in them made to feel uncomfortable because their masculinity and sexuality will be questioned if they maintain them.  Way goes further in her theory that boys are not the way they are because of nature, but instead they go against their natural human nature to connect to become what our society deems as properly masculine. Why do we feel the need to push our young men into an isolating state of being instead of encouraging human connection? Niobe Way hopes to change the “boys will be boys” saying into something more accurate like “boys are human too.”

Challenging Toxic Power Dynamics

Masculinity is consistently being encouraged to be performed by penis-owners, in all areas of life – especially intimate ones. I say this because I work in an adult store, and have recently had several interesting run-ins with male presenting customers, hell bent on asserting their masculinity to me, and other patrons in the store. One that I would like to share can be triggering for some in respect to drug-use and coercion, but I feel it adequately displays the importance that control plays in terms of masculinity and the power associated with it. As a retail store, we carry various forms of stimulants and sensitizers, from topical creams to oral supplements. A customer, being an adult man from Hispanic background (I say this because he likely comes from machismo culture), came in requesting something that would work as a stimulant and/or sensitizer for his girlfriend. Which is fair, and something that we could recommend to him. However, much to our astonishment, he insisted it needed to be something that he could put in her beverage without her knowing, like a tincture or something to that affect. Being a safe and sex positive workplace, we lectured the man about consent and what his request was implying. His response was not very understanding, and he took an aggressive approach, insisting that we were misunderstanding him and he simply wanted to have something exciting and unexpected for his partner. The bottom line is, everyone should always be in the know about what is happening to them, especially in a situation like that. The idea that this concept seemingly strips away power and threatened this individual’s manliness and discretion was eye opening.

#noshaveNovember-women edition

So I was at the gym this morning and I was on a leg extension machine, I extended my leg and thought “Wow, I guess I haven’t shaved my legs in a minute- it’s quite obvious”. I do shave my legs, but that’s not the premise of this blog post. Quite honestly, my first thought was “Hm, I wonder if anyone saw my legs hairy like this- what would they think?” I answered (in my brain obviously) why does it even matter if someone saw and what their thoughts are about my body hair? I’m not one to be particularly concerned about other people’s thoughts about me, I could care less. But I’m curious to understand why my first thought was my concern about someone elses opinion about MY body hair. I’m sure it has to do with society’s construct that looks at women that don’t shave as some taboo, and if you don’t shave- “it’s gross”. It baffles me, and also strikes me as extremely stupid. I like to shave, and that’s okay. Other people don’t like to shave, and that’s okay too. I just believe that society shouldn’t look at women as not shaving as a big deal, or even a deal at all. Because it perpetuates a subconscious idea that I can’t shave because, “it’s not what a women should do”.

“Force Factor”: Using Men’s Fears for Profit

“Force Factor”: Using Men’s Fears for Profit

by Nate Brennaman

While watching TV the other day, I saw a commercial for a product called “Force Factor.” The ad begins with a manly voiceover asking, “What happened to the real men of America?” This implies that because modern men aren’t working in factories, fighting in war, and eating lunch on steel beams they are less manly than their fathers and grandfathers. This sexist ad also identifies self-care as feminine. An actual line in the commercial says, “Before we suffer a full-on masculinity crisis,” which is played over an image of a man getting a spa facial. According to the commercial, real men are muscular and athletic, and that is the only acceptable form of masculinity.

This ad is targeted at men with fragile masculinities who think that feminists hate men and want to take over the world. I don’t mean to generalize, but the people that buy into the narrative of this commercial probably also use words like, “cuck” and “soyboy.” I don’t remember what channel I saw the commercial on, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it plays on Fox News. I could also see it playing on ESPN. The media uses men’s concerns about “the femininization of America” to sell products. Political figures have also weaponized the “loss of masculinity” to their advantage. I don’t know how successful this product is, but the ad shows that there is the idea that masculinity is being threatened. By what? I don’t know.

Gendered and Racialized Violence?

When you search "men and violence" in the news section of Google a variety of articles pop up, some discussing how men perpetrate violence, some discussing how men are victims of violence, most discussing domestic violence, and some discussing gang violence. When you search "women and violence" in the news section of Google almost all of the articles discuss women as victims of domestic violence. Some discuss women fighting against domestic violence, however these still frame the women as victims (or survivors). Interestingly, searching just "violence" brings up a variety of articles on gun violence, gang violence, domestic violence, and crime. I think this reveals two societal assumptions about gender and violence: first, women are seen primarily as victims of domestic violence. Second, only domestic violence is gendered.

When the issue of violence is framed around women, the message is that women are primarily victims of domestic violence. This is statistically true, and domestic violence is an important issue that needs to be dealt with. However I worry about building a movement based off of shared victimhood. None of the articles mentioned race, sexuality, or ability in their headlines, all of which are important factors when thinking about domestic violence. If we have a mainstream anti-domestic violence movement that assumes everyone's experiences are the same or similar but is actually basing that assumption off of just one group's experiences, important factors will be ignored and lots of women will continue to experience abuse.

The fact that only domestic violence and, in the case of men gang violence, is discussed as a gendered issue brings up many questions that I don't have the answer to. What does this say about how we treat domestic violence versus other kinds of violence? Does it mean that domestic violence is seen as a secondary issue to other kinds of violence because it's a "special interest" "gendered" issue? Why is gang violence the only other kind of violence to be gendered, and why is it gendered masculine? Is it perhaps because we see gang violence also as a racialized issue? This would mean that violence perpetrated by white men is standardized as "just violence" because white men are seen as race and gender neutral. This is supported by the fact that when you search just "violence", articles about gun violence, which is more closely associated with white men than are other kinds of violence, suddenly pop up. This leaves more questions than answers but is a very interesting peek into the way we think about violence as gendered and racialized (or not).

Male Bias in Medicine: Men Studying Men

Today, I went to an evaluation to determine whether or not I have ADHD. This has been a many-months-long process that I initiated myself. Someone else probably should have figured it out a long, long time ago--my symptoms aren’t exactly subtle. Unfortunately, what people recognize as ADHD comes from how the disorder is understood and studied, and when the field of psychology first began to understand it, they studied it in young boys. What most people associate with ADHD is how the disorder manifests in young boys only. For girls, it looks different, but the effects are no less inhibitive.

ADHD is far from the only case of this. Only now have people begun to recognize and spread the heart attack symptoms for women. Because cisgender men have, for most of medical history, been both the conductors and the subjects of medical trials, medical science has an overwhelming bias towards their physiology and psychology. Obviously, this causes women’s problems to go overlooked. Women are more likely to be dismissed as overreacting or simply told to lose weight. Women’s reproductive health is still a nebulous subject in many areas (conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome, for example, are not well understood and difficult to effectively treat).

This is one of the many ways in which hegemonic masculinity becomes systemic. Our foundational knowledge in the field of medicine is based on the study of cisgender men, which leaves doctors unfamiliar with women-specific symptoms, which leads to women being turned away and called overreactive because their experiences contradict the current body of knowledge regarding their conditions. It is worth note that this is also an issue for people of color. In fact, many physicians will explicitly claim that certain ethnic groups are more pain tolerant than others. ADHD is predominantly diagnosed in adolescent white boys. This inequality does not require malice or intentional bigotry on the part of doctors, but it must be actively worked against in order to improve.

Masculinity in Sports

Masculinity in sports is similar to masculinity in the hip-hop culture; men are constantly under the pressure of society to be tough and suppress their pain and emotions.Being surrounded by so many other men on the team has a large impact on how one man sees his masculinity by comparing himself to the others. If one guy on a team is more muscular than another guy, that smaller guy is going to push himself more to become stronger in order to seem more masculine like the others. Also, by having all these professional sports played by men that are constantly televised, it can persuade boys to think that in order to be masculine, they must engage in physical sports where they compete with other men to show their strength and skill.

However, being that sports are more physically demanding than music, I think men's health are at risk when trying to prove they are the strongest and the best on the field, rink, court, etc. When a player is fighting physical pain from an injury and pushing forward in the game to prove his strength, he is at risk for making the injury worse which may potentially end his career.



Picture source: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwih85GboNzlAhVQX60KHfGfCNYQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fthefeministwire.com%2F2012%2F05%2Fmasculinity-the-nfl-and-concussions%2F&psig=AOvVaw0Cdz9ksYIeLHBWO9d-_1EB&ust=1573358728505084

Formen: Makeup for Men

I heard about this specific brand of makeup for men a while ago and, at the time, just thought it was a little absurd and dismissed it completely from my mind. I think it's a little bit of an overreaction to have an entire makeup line for men that consists of the same things in any other makeup line, but the only thing that'll make a man want to buy it is because it's "for men." However, I also think that if branding something like makeup towards men is the only way men will purchase it in order to feel better about themselves, then I also say go for it.

The Importance of Being Vulnerable

Harry Styles isn't always vocal about everything in his life, but when he was interviewed for Rolling Stones magazine, he was open about his masculinity and he talked about how important it is for men to be vulnerable. It's important for men to be vulnerable with themselves and others and to surround themselves with other people who are okay with being open and honest without fear that being open and honest will make them less "masculine." I think men assume that showing their emotions is wrong but I also believe one of the reasons people love Harry Styles so much is because of the fact that he's okay with being vulnerable and he's okay with showing all his emotions, the good and bad, to his fanbase, even if it's just through his music. It's important to be yourself and to be able to express yourself in whichever way you choose and to not worry about how others might perceive you for doing that. Like the article says, "free expression, not toxic masculinity, will always be fashionable."

https://www.bustle.com/p/harry-styles-views-on-masculinity-highlight-the-importance-of-being-vulnerable-18699730

Big Mouth on Toxic Masculinity

Big Mouth is without a doubt one of my favorite shows and a favorite of many other people out there, so to have it address toxic masculinity so directly in it's latest season was really great. It shows a glimpse at what women have to experience on a day to day basis with men blaming the fact that they can't control themselves because of how women are dressed. In the show, the dean implements a dress code and he phrases it as, "To protect our strong, empowered women from the white-hot male gaze, we'll be implementing a dress code" trying to construe it in such a way that makes the girls feel like they're getting a compliment but I'm glad Big Mouth doesn't stop there and shows the girls standing up for themselves and their rights.

Soft but in a strong way

A new skin care line, "Soft", is breaking barriers for men's skin care. With a website not afraid to show the more soft visions of masculinity, Soft is pushing men to leave toxic masculinity out of their skin products.

Soft was discovered by three friends in California who were left wondering why men's skin products featured harsh descriptions and even tougher ingredients. After stealing their wives skin care products, the idea of Soft came together under the question, What does gender have to do with taking care of our skin? 

With soft often being used as an insult to men who fall outside traditional ideals of masculinity, the company is taking the word back. And Soft's images are truly visions of soft masculinity at it's finest. What I love the most about Soft is that it is opening up a space for men to feel comfortable with themselves and their bodies, an idea that often goes unnoticed in a society that pushes men to be tough and rugged. The company is definitely pushing boundaries in an industry where it is needed to make a real change.

Soft skin care website: https://www.besoft.nyc/

Soft Vogue Article: https://www.vogue.com/article/soft-mens-skincare-moisture-mask

Masculinity is Masking Anxiety

This article caught my attention because anxiety is one of the most common types of mental disorders, but I hardly ever think about how it must be for a man to have anxiety.

According to the article,

"Psychologists and  researchers who study anxiety note that it's men with anxiety who tend to fly under the radar when it comes to treatment:Since symptoms of anxiety are self-reported, clinicians and researchers who study anxiety and depression suspect the number of men with anxiety are underestimated. Concerningly, the data shows men are four times more likely than women to die from suicide."

They used an example of Kevin Love, who realized that his mental health was affecting his ability to play basketball, which was a fact that surprised many people despite anxiety, again, being one of the most common types of mental disorders.

It seems like from the beginning of time, men are taught to not accurately process their feelings or do anything remotely vulnerable in fear of being considered "feminine ."

Masculine People and Body Image - How do We Really See Ourselves?

https://youtu.be/qZoNJ0NOetw

Man Enough is a series created by Justin Baldoni in which he challenges himself and all men to question the traditional standards of what it means to be a man.

In this video, he and the men at the table of various experiences discuss body image among their identities and the connects this has to their overall experiences of manhood. In the discussion of the male/man body, it was also wonderful.

I personally resonated with Prince Ea and Aydian Dowling, feeling both that I am too skinny and that I must overcompensate my physically sense of masculinity another way because I am transgender.

I am at a point where I am overall content with my body, being a little over a year on hormones and being almost 6 months post top surgery at the time of making this post.
However I have noticed a rise in issues with my body image, especially as it pertains to fetishization of my body as a trans person.

For myself, I feeling this need to compensate for my size and my transness. I must have a more "ideal" masculine shape; having broad shoulders, minimizing the size of my hips and even feeling self conscious for the size of my larger thighs and butt. These things being attributed to "ideal" feminine bodies along with my lean and smaller frame, I feel disgusted by my body at times, being told my body is ideal for things that I do not identify with or that completely reduce me to a sexual object by people I'm not attracted to (in my experience this has usually been from cisgender men regardless of sexuality).

So I greatly encourage people, especially masculine people and men (or people who aren't men!) to watch this series because its a needed dialogue to get men to develop a healthier sense of self and embody masculinity in a positive manner.

Scapegoating Domestic Violence

This article in The Guardian responds to Joe Hildebrand's interpretation of a recent Australian study on domestic violence. Hildebrand used the study to argue that domestic violence is mostly perpetrated by low-income and Indigenous groups, and that men are victims of domestic abuse just as much as women are. The author of the The Guardian article (Karen Williams) refutes this point by noting that the data in the study were taken from crime reports which over-represent poor and Indigenous populations because of discrimination and under-reporting. Additionally, she points out that white men with higher incomes and higher education were more likely to practice coercive and verbal abuse. Since these types of abuse are not technically illegal they don't get reported and so the picture that gets drawn from crime statistics that over-represent low-income and Indigenous populations.

This article is compelling because it highlights how powerful men scapegoat less powerful men. Hildebrand is a well connected and successful journalist which means that he probably has a fair amount of social and cultural power not to mention economic capital. He is probably not harmed by growing cultural discussions about domestic violence because of that power, and yet these discussions threaten him because he feels that they have the potential to topple the structures that have granted him much of that power (namely, racist capitalist patriarchy). In order to avoid this outcome, he misinterpreted a study and placed the blame for domestic violence on disadvantaged and minority men. In other words, he used poor and minority men's lack of power to prop up his own sources of power. He should be ashamed.

My Masculinity - Reflection of Masculinities in Queer Women

https://youtu.be/7JETves7aPI

I absolutely adore and deeply connect with this video. I originally watched this video a few days after I had had top surgery. Through poetry, three people examine the internalization of toxic masculine behavior and the intersection of masculinity by race.

A section that fully resonates with me even though my gender identity has changed was my interactions with police officers. With many transgender men and trans-masculine people who begin hormone therapy (many of whom in the public eye are white) they are excited to begin hormones overall.

With myself and many other black/brown people there is a large underlying fear when we start hormone therapy. I had this fear because I knew over time (which is now present day) I would look more like a young black man. Knowing this and accepting this consequence, this stereotype of black masculinity being seen as inherently more dangerous than white masculinity still rings true in LGBTQ+ spaces.

Please feel free to watch this video because it may give some of you insight on my past experiences as a black queer (mostly) masculine person.

Household Labor

One thing that’s been looked at and discussed in detail by many researchers and some couples/individuals (myself included) is the division of labor in the household. Many couples seem to be drifting away from the idea that the man has to be the breadwinner in the relationship and the woman has to sacrifice her own goals to be a stay at home mom. Household labor and income is being seen as a shared concern and burden rather than one-sided or decided by gender.



It seems in some relationships both men and women alike are being more firm in their beliefs and wants and resisting the societal expectation of their gender, in the younger generation at least. It’s hard for me to imagine gendered labor and tasks in my life or in the relationships of my friends or family. Chores are chores and nobody wants to do it so why not share the pain, right?!



That being said, I’m definitely guilty of not helping my boyfriend with our household chores more often so it’s not just heterosexual couples that this can be an issue for. However, what I don’t do in chores I make up for in other important home responsibilities and maintenance. We communicate everything we feel and come to agreements on everything that matters most. That’s the key to a good relationship, and apparently also the key to keeping a fair amount of household labor for both sides!



This site has some interesting information on the trends of household labor between couples/parents. https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/11/04/raising-kids-and-running-a-household-how-working-parents-share-the-load/

Make-Up For Men

Makeup for Men: A Starter Kit for Guys Who Aren't Sure Where to Begin

Could you imagine a time back then, even as little as 15 years ago, where there would ever be a big article about the right makeup made just for men? I decided to check on GQ to see if there were any interesting articles and at the very front page with the biggest thumbnail there it was: Makeup for Men: A Starter Kit for Guys Who Aren't Sure Where to Begin. The biggest thing about where this particular article was published is that I’m certain GQ was the same website that was big on re-claiming your manhood in the past. After GQ recently made a survey polling 1005 Americans (Article here), they found that masculinity is changing and that they should change as well. This make-up article even got the award for the best grooming tips for men. What a time to be alive! 

GQ's "New Masculinity" Issue and its Backlash

October's issue of GQ marked a new era for the magazine. With Pharrell Williams on the cover, having a discussion about an evolving masculinity seems natural and timely. Pharrell, who is no stranger to spiritual evolving, speaks about his changing non-binary sense of style and about knowing his limits when it comes to gender expression. What is overwhelming about this article and spread is the confidence that Pharrell has. He speaks humbly, which he attributes to gaining over time, and is secure in his masculinity. Really the message of the whole "New Masculinity" issue and this new era for men is marked by taking steps to feel secure in their masculinity that stray from the toxic ways that men are taught to be. To see Pharrell in big beautiful gowns and pastel coats feel organic, fluid, and unconventionally manly.

Interestingly enough, I stumbled upon the GQ article from a christian news outlet called The Christian Post. What struck me about this reaction article from The Christian Post was just how negative and hateful it was. The writer openly knocks down Pharrell's ideology and despite reading the whole article, missed the overall point of the issue. Like Pharrell, he claims that there is a spiritual warfare going on in this country but it's one targeted at dressing men up like women and identifying as transgendered. The sharp contrast of Pharrell's confidence, humility, and self-awareness with the bitter, unaccepting spirit of the writer from The Christian Post, shows me just how far we have to go in this area. I implore you to read both articles to understand both sides and to reflect on your position in the matter. As someone who likes to play around with fashion, it still astonishes me how much clothing plays a role in social issues and activism. I applaud Pharrell in his efforts and hope that the "New Masculinity" issue opens a dialogue on a subject that's not new although the conversation may be.


GQ's "New Masculinity" issue: https://www.gq.com/story/pharrell-new-masculinity-cover-interview

The Christian Post's reaction to "New Masculinity": https://www.christianpost.com/voice/gq-pushes-new-masculinity-turning-men-into-women.html

Homosexuality=Taboo

Straight men can’t even think about other men in a sexual context, much less act on the curiosity. That's just a death sentence for many men in their peer groups. Being a man and being masculine is associated with having bountiful amounts of women at your disposal, being tough, and being invulnerable.

This has been a problem for ages. Sexuality is fluid for many people, but men are forced to repress anything gay, or anything that would make them feel less “masculine” for that matter. For some, it comes back to haunt them later in life and has the potential to inflict lasting psychological damage. I've heard random stories of men that repressed their sexuality for their whole life only to end up divorcing their wife and losing everything they have just because they finally admit and embrace the fact that they're gay. Some of them never accept it and go throughout their entire life in denial until they're no more.

There’s nothing wrong with being curious and wanting to explore one’s sexuality and identity. How do we make that concept more known and embraced in our society? It’s a problem that’s noticeably on the decline in the last few years I feel, but there’s always more work to be done. With the surfacing of more gender expression these days there needs to be more room for discussion and free expression in regards to sexuality for men.

That being said, as someone living in the younger generation I see an abundant amount of acceptance and positivity toward all people regardless of their lifestyle or identity and it makes me very happy. I know that there's still a lot of negativity and ignorance in our world, but at least we've made great strides.

Sexuality, With Emphasis on “Sex”

I’m sure we’ve all heard the typical story. Boy meets girl. Girl shows even a sliver of interest. Boy gets sexual and expects girl to have an equal response. Girl declines and expresses discontent. Boy kicks girl to the curb. Why does it seem that this is a norm in the dating scene? Whether personal experience or through a story from a friend I’m sure we’ve all heard how men on social media or dating apps almost immediately jump to sexual topics.

This isn’t limited to only heterosexual dating either. Gay dating apps like Grindr that are specifically for hooking up have deepened the oversexualization and emphasis on the physical body. When does a man realize that there’s more to a partner than just sex? Sex and intimacy are important for a relationship of course, but why is that the leading topic from the get-go? Is it the sexualization of women or the body in general in media? Or perhaps more likely, the easily accessed pornography where almost every sexual partner is depicted as this sex hungry object of pleasure who’s only goal is to serve the men.

Many men are taught to believe that part of being a man and masculinity is being sexually active and “strong-willed” in that regard, but It’s hard to understand how someone can behave in such a way toward people and actually expect a positive response. I don’t have to deal with it, and I created distance between myself and people who behave disrespectfully, but I still hear of it all the time unfortunately.

Some humor to lighten the mood. :)

UK's Advertising Standards Authority Bans Ads Portraying Harmful Gender Stereotypes

I had originally planned on writing up a blog post about a Reynold's Wrap commercial I had seen on TV recently. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find the commercial anywhere on the Internet. I did, though, stumble upon an article discussing ads that have actually been banned in the United Kingdom due to harmful portrayals of gender stereotypes. One of the ads exemplifies the stereotype that men are not responsible caregivers. The father is seen letting his child ride away on a conveyor belt while he himself is distracted by food. This is a common stereotype portrayed in the media: dads are fun, carefree, and irresponsible. Not only is this stereotype harmful, but it is also untrue. I was surprised to see the ad had actually been banned in the United Kingdom by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA). The ASA is a self-regulatory organization in the UK. The organization explained that the ad presented a harmful stereotype that should not be circulated. In the United States, ads are regulated by the Federal Trade Commission. I've personally never heard of an ad being banned in the US for displaying negative gender roles. Therefore, it was shocking for me to find out that other countries are taking the steps to do this. I believe this is an important step towards dismantling gender roles and stereotypes.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/aug/14/first-ads-banned-for-contravening-gender-stereotyping-rules

Disney and Masculinity

https://www.sociologylens.net/topics/communication-and-media/masculinity-and-disneys-gender-problem/12550

I read an article about Disney and their representations of masculinity in their characters. The article started by criticizing Disney for their representation of princesses as always being vulnerable damsels in distress. However, most of Disney’s critics comment on their portrayals of femininity, not on masculinity. Although all the princesses serve as the main characters, as their movies are titled after them, they do not serve as the protagonists in their own stories. They helplessly lay wait for the outcome of others’ fight. This can be seen in Beauty and the Beast, where Belle anxiously awaits the battle between Beast and Gaston. The male protagonist always saves the day; he is always the hero. Though there is not anything wrong with portraying men as heroes, this may send a message to young boys that it is their duty to always be the protectors and saviors. And what message does this send young girls? Should they accept that men will take the credit for great endeavors and pursuits? Disney should include more positive representation of both masculinity and femininity alike.

"Bad Boys For Life" No matter what, you are still the man you once were.

The new “Bad Boys For Life” Trailer came out today and right off the bat you can see all the signs masculinity advertising once again. It starts out with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence speeding through Miami with a Porche sports car, talking about being batman and portraying the badass cops they have been. They also talk about how they’re getting old but being the hero, catching bad guys, the importance of brotherhood, family and adapting to the new times. Accompanied by explosions and guns and martial arts, some can argue that this isn’t totally masculine. However, the characters that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence portray are buff, cool, and dangerous cops trying to get the criminals as well as portraying the retired cop that likes to kick back on the sofa and watch sports. These are two extremes that masculinity is permeated.

To show true masculinity is to stick by your brother when he goes on a suicide mission and back him up just like old times. It’s like a war story and I think they advertise it this way to not only to appeal to modern masculinists but also the post-modern masculinists that saw the older movies when they premiered back then. The Bad Boys are adapting to their new life but also showing that they have what it takes like they did back then, and I think in the masculinity standpoint they are displaying, “No matter where you are now you are still the man you once were.”

Masculine and Feminine Love

                       

In the article, In Praise of Masculine Love by Trevor Loudon of the Epoch Times Loudon discusses how masculinity has changed into being dangerous or toxic and how especially Western society has forgotten its masculine roots. Loudon also references the fact that he believes there are two types of loves, feminine and masculine and that masculine love is different but just as important as feminine love. An example that Loudon referenced was a story about a son who turned to drugs and would no longer live by the house rules the mother provided unconditional love and support but that did not keep the son from stopping his drug usage. The father finally decided that he needed to intervene and drove his son to a parking lot and left him there if and until his son decided that he could live by the rules and realize that he was loved. The father found it very difficult to leave his son there and was in agony for the 5 days he was son out of the house, but he knew his tough love approach was something that his son needed. The father did not love his son any less than his mother did he just needed to express it in a different way to try and help his son.

While some may consider the fathers approach tough and too drastic others will recognize that the mother’s softer approach was of no help to her son fighting his addiction either. Loudon was trying to show with the story that masculine love is not harsh, unforgiving or needing to be suppressed. I believe that people in general need both masculine and feminine love and both of those loves do not need to be demonstrated by their assigned gender. Instead, a man can and should show feminine and masculine love as should a woman. The titles these two different love types have received should restricted to their gender as the name implies but rather should be embraced by all and distributed to people at each point in their life that the particular love should be demonstrated.

                                            In Praise of Masculine Love

How Often are Women’s Contributions Overlooked?

Think about the most famous inventors we are taught about in elementary school. Some names might immediately come to mind such as: Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, the Wright Brothers, Henry Ford, and so on. Something each of these inventors have in common is that they are all men. There are few women credited with the invention of many modern wonders, but it’s hard to believe that women have made little to no contributions to technology over time.

With this thought in mind, let’s consider this anecdote from scholar, author, and activist Sandi Toksvig:

“When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. 'This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar' she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. ‘My question to you is this – what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.’ It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women’s contributions?”

I came across this quote while scrolling through social media, and it raised the same question for me as for Toksvig: How often have I overlooked the inventions and ingenuity of women? Throughout school, Marie Curie is one of the only women who is discussed as making contributions to science alongside men during a certain time period and continuing into today; it’s hard to believe that she is one of the only women who made a notable contribution to science and technology. The way in which we are educated and socialized oftentimes discounts women unless the discussion is specifically about them, such as discussions about feminism or notable women throughout history. Over time, women have made notable contributions which have been overlooked and devalued. It’s time we start paying attention to women and their contributions to our world.

Would you say that if she were a boy?

I had an interesting discussion today with my boyfriend Aaron. We were out playing with his 3 year old daughter Abigail in front of our house. She wanted to play in the back of the pickup truck with the hose. Her dad put up there and we went and sat on the porch. As we watched her play, he got nervous about how close she was to the edge. I had no issues with her playing and didn't feel she was in any danger of falling. I then asked him, if she were a boy, would you be so nervous about her playing up there?

He thought about and said he didn't think so. He felt he would tell him to back up just like he told her too. I wasn't so sure. Now, Aaron has only this 3 year old daughter. I have 4 children, 3 boys born first and then my daughter. They are all adults now. I find that I treat Abigail like I did all my boys. My daughter was raised that way as well. I was so used to the rough and tumble life of 3 boys, that when my daughter was born, that is just how I parented.

I watch the interactions between Aaron & Abigail often and sometimes point out that he is treating her like a girl and not just a preschooler. She loves to climb and play up high.

He isn't the only one. When we go to the park, I let Abigail run and climb and jump. When she is climbing, I am not standing under her ready to catch her. I trust her abilities and I know her capabilities. The other parents though always have something to say. "Is she ok up that high?!?", Someone will ask. I say yes of course she is! Usually there are boys up just as high and just as wild and crazy, but no one is asking if they are ok. Those mother's are sitting off to the side chatting or reading and no one blinks an eye, until Abigail is the one climbing. I have always found this quite interesting. I saw it with my own daughter 17 years ago, and now with Abigail. It seems to be a great example of "boys will be boys".

a boy and his dolls

My friend recently told me a story about his dad. Mind you, his dad and him are not close at all and never have been. Just to give a little background info on my friends dad- he was in the military and is a very traditional man. There was an instance where, he was playing with his older sister were playing with her dolls- as a little boy you just want to be involved with your sister and follow her lead, you don't know that what you're doing isn't a social norm.

His father finds out he's playing dolls with his sister and causes a scene. He tells him that boys don't play with dolls and that if he does play with dolls he's a girl and if his son's a girl - he isn't his son anymore. This can be pretty traumatic for a five year old to hear from his father who he looks up to.

He was only five. 

Social Media = Stress

So just the other day, I was scrolling through my Instagram when my younger cousin who is a boy, started an Instagram live. Mind you, he is 11 years old. I decided to hop onto his live to see what he was streaming. When I joined, I noticed he was doing a live chat with him and one of his buddies. Of course, being in middle school, he's getting to the age where girls are becoming a part of their lives in a very different way. Anyways, I got on the live chat, and since my Instagram is private all you can see when you click my profile- is my profile picture which is me in a bathing suit with my friend. His friend clicked on my page and saw my picture and began to saying things to my cousin, like, "DAMNNNN." "WHO IS SHE???" Making my cousin very uncomfortable.

I wrote on the live that I could hear and see everything they were doing and the little boy continued to talk. My younger cousin finally broke his silence and said, "please stop talking about my cousin like that." I sat there in awe of how long it took my little cousin to say something and how even when he did say it he felt uncomfortable and awkward. He ended up getting off live and calling me to tell me he was sorry about his friend and that he didn't want me to feel bad. I told him, that he needs to learn from his friends mistake and never do that to someone because it doesn't feel to great. At the end of the day, he learned and its fine, but I felt stress from social media and I can assure you my cousin is probably never going to get back on Instagram live.... again.

Traditional Masculinity in That 70's Show

I'm sitting here watching one of my favorite shows in the world. That 70's Show. Its hilarious, honest, and sarcasm. Some of the major things I look for when I am watching a show. What is also humorous, is the fact that I never realized how traditional Red Forman is as a father in the 70s. He is a basic man - white, middle class, drinks beer and watches sports. In order for his character to thrive in the show he comes off rude, emotionless and tough, because thats how men are "supposed" to be. Eric Forman, Red's son, is constantly being burned by his father- Red tends to tear him down for being less of a man and for being weak. This goes hand - in - hand with how society thinks we should treat young boys and men that they can't have emotions or show their emotions.

Toxic Masculinity in Ads

Being an advertising and public relations major, I have studied advertisements left and right. After taking my Women and Gender studies courses, I have come to realize that there are many faults in the advertising world when it comes to men and women. I found an ad that really stuck with me,  

this ad above made me cringe so hard. We constantly talk about how many are objectified and made to feel bad in advertisements so that we pay money to change our bodies because it makes us feel less than. When I saw this I really felt awful for how men and young must perceive themselves after looking at this advertisement, that with this Axe body spray they would turn into more of a man with the muscles and the hair. I find this pretty disturbing.
I read an entire article about toxic masculinity, the link is located below.
http://affinitymagazine.us/2017/08/16/lets-talk-about-toxic-masculinity-in-mens-product-ads/

What if we all had periods?

MENstruation ad


I have recently come across an ad for the period absorbent underwear called, "Thinx." In this ad, it shows how men and boys have their periods. For example, multiple scenes include the men asking for tampons, pads, and even a little boy confiding in his dad about getting his period. Not to mention, the very end of the advertisement it shows a boy and a girl kissing, and the boy saying, "I'm on my period," and she replies, "me too" and they continue kissing. This is concluded with a statement at the end that reads, "if we all had them, maybe we'd be more comfortable with them." While watching this ad I felt the comfort of being a woman and having a period become normalized and I felt better about my period after watching this. I know the men and young boys in this commercial had to have a lot of comfort and ability to let their guard down to complete this. I felt like the stigma of periods is being normalized, and how men are slowly becoming more accustomed to it, rather than being grossed out by it.

Link to the ad is below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QEDZkj_Riw

No Box For Me

Being intersex isn’t a topic people talk about often, and is often times seen as taboo. In this documentary the filmmaker, Devigne features 4 young intersex individuals that are stigmatized and stereotyped by society. As one of the constant themes in the documentary being that this non-consensual surgical procedure at birth has led to hindering these individuals identity and not being able to come to terms with their bodies. One interviewee even stated that this non-consensual surgical procedure “likens such surgeries to rape, given their invasive nature on the bodies of people unable to consent”. This brief articles brings light and awareness to the mutilation individuals go through when undergoing this situation. It also brings attention to how society decides what body you’ll live in for the rest of your life and you have no say regarding the matter.

Here is the link to the article: https://time.com/5608917/no-box-for-me-intersex-documentary/

What Boys Need To Know

I recently watched a Ted Talk by Tony Porter and in the video, he talked about his past experiences with the "man box" and how that box is made up of all the things that define a man. He would tell his son not to cry and send him to his room, but comforted his daughter when she would be sad. He also told a story about a time when his "man box" was threatened and he panicked in fear of stepping outside this box. Long story short, because he was always taught as a boy how to follow these social norms for being a "man", he does not know any other acceptable behaviors for men, like showing emotions other than anger or treating woman with the same respect he would to another man.

I think this Ted Talk is a powerful message to men, and women, because he is saying if we teach our sons right, we can change the definition of masculinity to what it should truly mean. If we do not teach young boys how to treat a woman properly without turning them into sexual objects, or thinking that men have more power over women, how will they know what behavior is right from wrong? We need to educate boys and young men that stepping out of this "man box" is not, and should not, be as terrifying as they may feel it is.
https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men?referrer=playlist-how_masculinity_is_evolving#t-651913

"Mommy's Little Man"

So, I have seen that there is a new manly commercial going around called Dr. Squatch Soap. It has a spokesperson with a beard and long hair toting that the soap that you use to bathe, sucks. Stating that you are smelling like mommy’s little man and revealing a shrieking buff guy in the shower and replacing his soap with the Dr. Squatch soap and boasting the natural ingredients.

The spokesperson then goes on into what makes a man; a man. Working hard, being in the outdoors playing sports because you can only be this kind of man by using a soap that is made for men. The appeal of this seems to be advertising for lumberjacks and sailors, the stereotypical masculine entity that is strived for. What did catch me off guard in this commercial is how he has normalized men shedding tears. He emphasized that new modern masculinity encourages that it is okay to practice self-care and show emotions which we all have seen in the past as too feminine. The commercial itself seemed very contradictory, mostly because of how he starts off making fun of those men who smell like “Mommy’s little man,” to then talking about how it’s okay to cry and show emotion. 

Waffles and Spaghetti: A Roundabout Discussion of Cognitive Clashes Between Genders

Have you read "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink"? It was written by a man reflecting on how his subtle, constant disrespect of his wife drove her to leave him. He explains that his habit of leaving empty glasses by the sink was, in his mind, justified, which caused him to ignore his wife's requests that he not do it, as he believed that if it didn't bother him, it shouldn't bother her. He refused to understand why it meant anything to her and usually doubled down on his position in response to her expressions of hurt feelings, realizing too late that what she truly wanted from him was for him to take her seriously and stop doing something that consistently bothered her. "The glass situation," he writes, "could be ANY situation in which she feels unappreciated and disrespected by her husband."

There's a saying that I've often seen make its rounds in the sort of Facebook posts my great-aunts share that goes something like, "men's brains are waffles and women's brains are spaghetti." That is to say, men tend to keep things compartmentalized while, for women, everything is connected. Although the intention of the saying stands to justify gender differences on a basis of them being innate, the observation isn't very far off. Usually, people mix up the cause and effect of inequality, that the system exists due to the characteristics of the people within it rather than the other way around. But I digress.

My stepfather, ever the type to corner people into circle-talking "debates," once asked me why my mother fights with him the way she does. "Whenever I do even the smallest thing," he said, "she blows up and starts bringing up stuff I did weeks or even months ago. How is that fair?"

"Because the thing you did that started the fight probably relates to the past things, especially ones you never apologized for," I replied, knowing he hasn't given a sincere apology in the entire time I've known him. "She's not furious that you did one very small bad thing today. She's mad that you've been doing these small bad things repeatedly, for years, and then you tell her she's ridiculous for being upset about them and keep doing them. She's not yelling at you for one small thing. She's yelling at you for a very big pattern that shows her you're not willing to change in the slightest to make her happy and respect her."

To be honest, I forget how he replied to that.

My partner and I have done a lot of talking recently (and I apologize for bringing up my partner so much in this class, but I've never had such an in-depth look into the mind of someone raised with masculinity, and they gave me permission to write about them for this class anyway so it's fine) about communication and the differences in how we think. I notice that a lot of women tend to grow frustrated when they expect the men in their lives to make connections that the men don't end up making. Because to us, this ignorance seems willful. Undoubtedly, it sometimes is--testimonials of men will show that they learn how to play dumb to get out of doing things--but often, it's just not how they think. Does this absolve them from having to make an effort? Absolutely not. In communicating to my partner, I sometimes find myself tediously spelling out how, when I bring up one thing, I am also trying to highlight another related thing. Like how I sent them "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink" and had to tell them, outright, that I was sending it because the article eloquently explains why I take issue when they rebut my requests by trying to out-logic me.

When I notice these sorts of gender differences, I try to figure out why they exist. Normally, there's an obvious sociological reason for what makes masculine personalities different from feminine ones. But I can't quite figure out waffles and spaghetti. Why do men tend to see things more literally and divorced from context? Why are women more likely to see the "bigger picture"? I'm still not sure. Perhaps it's related to labor; just looking at household chores, men are more likely to be associated with isolated, immediate tasks such as making repairs, while women maintain the cleanliness of a house, a task that is constant and multifaceted. Perhaps, then, waffles and spaghetti are more relics of the cult of domesticity.

The concept of the "gendered brain" caused by DNA is being debunked more and more as time goes by. However, that does not mean adults don't have gendered brains. Profound differences exist between the psychological foundations of men and women, shaped by pervasive gender socialization that starts before birth (gender reveal parties, am I right?). Which begs the question: can men unlearn this compartmentalized way of thinking in order to adapt to domestic life? Can waffles ever become spaghetti?

The Masculinity of Rambo

The Masculinity of Rambo

by Nate Brennaman

            I recently went and saw Rambo: Last Blood in theaters and it made me think of how masculinity was viewed in the ‘80s. Sylvester Stallone, along with Arnold Schwarzenegger and maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme, represent the peak of masculinity of the ‘80s. Stallone’s Rocky Balboa and John Rambo illustrate how violence, strength, and muscles determine whether or not one is masculine.

            In 1982’s First Blood, John Rambo is depicted as a down-on-his-luck Vietnam veteran who has been rejected and neglected by society. This film is very different from the later Rambo movies. It is very much a commentary on America’s treatment of veterans and mental illness. It can also be read as a representation of the failures of physical strength. Rambo fights back against a corrupt police force, but is ultimately bested by his own internal demons and struggles. Physical violence can’t beat mental illness and trauma. In the end of the film, Rambo is reduced to tears when discussing the trauma of the war. In this first Rambo movie, Rambo is ultimately the victim; of war, society, and himself even. Victimizing Rambo “infantilizes and feminizes” him, as Kathleen McClancy puts it (517). A modern viewer of First Blood might view Rambo’s display of emotion as a positive, as I did the first time I watched it. However, at the time of the film’s release, the character’s emotional breakdown would have been viewed as a weakness (but not in a good way). John Rambo is a victim with “no power” at the end of the movie (McClancy 518).

            It is not until 1985’s Rambo: First Blood Part II that Rambo reclaims his power by returning to Vietnam and basically “winning the war” single-handedly. This film is a product of the American Male’s insecurities following the “loss” of the Vietnam War. As the first war that America “lost,” Vietnam is a soft spot for many Americans because this loss is viewed by some as a weakness, a failure of masculinity. If anything, it shows that violence and brute strength isn’t always the answer.

            Getting back to Rambo: Last Blood, this movie is an extremely violent, bloody, and brutal affair. John Rambo is once again a one-man army; this time fighting a Mexican drug cartel that kidnapped his surrogate daughter. I think this movie is a commentary of the aging Boomer generation, the men that fought in Vietnam. It is a “Grandpa Revenge Fantasy” and a reflection of this generation’s fear of aging and losing control. With the aging of this generation, is this the end of violent masculinity? No, it is not. Action films, like John Wick, as well as real-life acts of violence show how violence is still strongly tied to masculinity, even for youngers generations. However, I think there has been a reappraisal of masculinity and violence that has begun. This should continue on into the future.

Work Cited

McClancy. Kathleen. “The Rehabilitation of Rambo: Trauma, Victimization, and the Vietnam Veteran.” The Journal of Popular Culture, vol. 47, no. 3, 2014, pp. 503-519.  MLA International Bibliography, doi:10.1111/j.1540-5931.2011.00878.x.

Negativity Greets Positivity (Social Media Battleground)

It’s interesting that there’s so many negative comments about videos or social media posts that are encouraging the elimination of toxic masculinity in the younger generation. I left an image below of some of the comments on the YouTube video just to show some of the opinions and perspectives. It would seem as with most things that the majority of people that have something bad to say are people that are taking every little thing as if it’s a personal attack on them rather than realizing it’s just a general problem in society. Men and women alike had negative comments for the Gillette ad that addresses toxic masculinity.

There’s speculation by many that the advertisement was merely an attempt to earn money or earn a better reputation since their company is supposedly not doing well, but the message in the ad is still powerful regardless. There are many problem behaviors that can be taught to young boys that they carry throughout their development all the way through adulthood if not kept in check. I even had an argument with a longtime friend about it because as expected, he viewed the ad as a personal attack against his own masculinity and ways of living. He brought up how he and his army buddies would fight to relieve stress. It was a mentally stimulating conversation, but I had to disagree with him that males are naturally aggressive and have urges to fight and explain to him that this message isn’t meant for him, but for our society, and for the parents of the future generation.

It raises the question of what is it that drives this way of thinking and defensive behavior? Could it be insecurity and an incessant need to protect one’s masculinity? A compulsion to conform to please peers and family and maintain an image? No matter the cause I hope people will learn to open their minds to civil conversation and the ideas of others.

Masculinity and Health

I couldn’t go the whole semester without talking about the relationship between masculinity and health. This past summer, I took “Men, Masculinities, and Health” (SYO4424)– which I highly recommend taking, by the way. I found it so interesting, it led me to taking Theories of Masculinities. I’m also taking Research Methods this semester and decided to base my research on the ways that stereotypes about masculinities affect men’s health.

I’ve done a lot of research on the subject and there’s way too much to include in one blog post, so I suggest that you at least read this article from The New York Times that gives you the highlights. 

As most of us know, men die earlier in life than women do. But they also are more likely to suffer from a chronic condition and are 2-18 times (varying by age) more likely to die from suicide. Sure, there are some biological reasons for this, but people seem to neglect the societal factors. 

Because men are taught from an early age to be independent, unemotional, and to not ask for help, men are less likely to get routine physical exam or seek mental health care, even when they are struggling. Research shows that married men are more likely to seek medical care sooner because they have a partner that encourages them to do so.

Men are also more likely to engage in poor coping strategies when they’re stressed like drinking or smoking, which is another reason for the gender gap in health.

I could go on about this forever, but I encourage you to look more into this, as the research is astounding.