My Uncle's Experience as a Gay Man in the Latin American Community.

This story features materials that may be triggering to some of the individuals reading it. Please do not force yourself to read if it makes you uncomfortable and reach out for help if you need it.

Here are some resources for readers in crisis:

CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services): http://caps.sdes.ucf.edu/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Something that we have discussed intermittently in my time as a Women and Gender Studies student is homosexuality in the Latin community. Before now, I have not had the opportunity to share a personal story on the subject, a story that continues to affect me and my family.

My uncle, Isidro Martinez, spent most of his too-short life in the closet in fear of his family, my family, rejecting him. He was in his 30’s, with a wife and 3 children before he came out. He told my mother/ his little sister that his children inspired him to come out. He said that he wanted to be himself so that they knew it was okay to be themselves. His coming out was predictably not well-received as he was a gay man who belonged to a Cuban community.

Typically speaking, Latin American men are all about machismo. To be gay, or worse- proudly gay, was and often still is seen as harmful to the macho image many Latin American men embody.

When my uncle came out, my abuela/his mother told him that he was not gay. She, being the devout Jehovah’s Witness that she was, said that it was simply “the devil disguising himself as homosexual tendencies”. When my uncle persisted, she disowned him. After all, she was a sister in her congregation and having a gay son would hurt her image in the church. My abuela did not talk to my uncle for years- his most trying years, when he needed her the most. She said horrible things to him, emasculated him in front of his children, and forcefully kept him and my mother apart (my mother was still young and had no say in the matter). All of this because of the stigma surrounding gay men in our culture.

That is not all that my uncle had to endure. His wife left him, for obvious reasons. She later came out as gay herself but she was less than understanding when it all went down as she was admittedly struggling with her own feelings and projecting her insecurities onto him. She limited his time with his children and spent years being angry with him.

My uncle Miguel, Isidro’s older brother, constantly mocked him. Miguel would refuse to let Isidro anywhere near his children so as not to influence them with his gayness. Miguel threatened Isidro’s life once or twice, crediting his urge to murder his brother as getting rid of weak blood in the family line.

After my uncle was diagnosed with AIDS he felt more alone in the world than he ever should have had to. His mother wasn’t talking to him, his ex-wife was angry with him, he barely got to see his children, his brother was threatening him, his community was mocking him, he was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, and he had no one to talk to because he was prohibited from seeing his little sister/best friend. It was here, at his darkest point, that my uncle Isidro attempted suicide. His ex-wife found him a few days after the attempt, after not hearing from him for a while she got worried and checked in on him. He was hospitalized and discharged.

He attempted suicide once more the first time he was left alone again. This time, he got closer to death than the first attempt and it scared our family.

My abuela did something very uncharacteristic of her at this point. In fear of his life, she moved my uncle in with her despite what her congregation thought about it. He was allowed to see his sister again. He was building a good relationship with his mother again. He was seeing his ex-wife and children more. My uncle Miguel was strongly encouraged to shut his mouth anytime he was around Isidro. My uncle Isidro didn’t feel so alone anymore and it was because of the acceptance he received by his loved ones. His mental health improved and his suicidal urges diminished.

AIDS took his life a few years later. He was thin, frail, but happy in his final years. Happy to be who he was the entire time, only openly. His courage to come out inspired his ex-wife, and later good friend, to come out to her family as well. His courage to be himself still shapes the lives of his children, and his nieces and nephews (myself included). Though it makes me deeply sad to think of the years he spent depressed, rejected, and alone, I know that there are lessons to be learned from his story- so his struggle was not without purpose.

There are so many young men in the Latin American community that continue to face the same struggles that my uncle had to. To be forced out of your community, family, or home is a horrible thing to have to experience and yet it happens all of the time. Let us try to learn from these stories so that we can move to a more accepting place where members of the LGBTQIA community don’t have to worry about being themselves. Let us advocate for such acceptance, and education as these are our strongest tools in the name of social justice.

Thank you for reading.