Sunday, November 10, 2019

Why are Men not as Empathetic as Women?


I came across an article recently called 15 Ways to Help Kids Develop Empathy by Ana (Jovanovic) Sokolovic. Here is the link to article. https://parentingpod.com/teaching-kids-empathy/

I enjoyed reading the article and it points out great ways to help children learn empathy. This is mostly by modeling empathy is some fashion in each of the 15 suggestions. What I noticed about the article is that it discusses empathy for both sexes, but only showed pictures of women doing the modeling.

It seems to be a great general guide for tips and tools on teaching and modeling empathy. The problem that I have is just that. It’s general. Boys and girls are going to learn empathy differently. I feel one of the reasons for this is that it is often women modeling empathy through childhood. From teachers to care givers, the gender bias is very clear. Little boys will spend more time watching women model empathy for them. What they don’t see as much of is men modeling this important behavior.

I feel this would lead to boys developing a gender bias toward empathy. It is for girls to do. Action hero’s and Superhero’s are not full of empathy. They protect the weak, they don’t empathize with them. They simply solve their problems and get the praise. Once these little boys grow up, their empathy senses are dulled. Once they are in relationships and needing the empathy skills, it is hard to come by. They want to solve their lover’s problem and make it go away. They don’t seem to have the strong structure that women do for empathizing with their partner. Boy grow up to be the superhero. So much of human communication is based around empathy. It is no wonder men have a harder time.

I did some research and came across this article, Genes Can’t Explain Why Men are Less Empathetic Than Women, by Tereza Pultarova.


The article goes on to talk about that fact that the genes are the same. Science just can’t seem to explain why men seem less empathetic. While there are biological factors to empathy, such as the hormones oxytocin and testosterone, there are many other social factors at play. This must be what shapes those brain networks. Boys do have positive role models, but are those role models concentrating in the right areas? I do not think many dads would be reading the article on increasing empathy in young children. Of course, there will be fathers who are. The article was carefully written to be inclusive of whoever was reading the article and be true regardless of which gender you were parenting. The subtle influences though seem to tell a bigger story. Not one father or male role model was shown modeling empathy or discussing it.

The first picture is two mothers showing their boys being kind to another. Each picture that shows modeling is a female, showing or teaching empathy to a child. One picture discusses celebrating empathy as a family. It shows a man handing a woman a bouquet of flowers. This is a subtle traditional view for men on what empathy must mean.

It is this underlying cultural dynamic that needs shifting. Boys of future generations need strong male role models for emotional intelligence, such as empathy. Boys and girls develop differently. We need to shift our perspective to understanding how these differences affect the future for boys. No matter what gender identity we chose, we should have the older mirror of ourselves teaching us these life lessons.

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