The Art of NOT Being Feminine

The masculine/feminine dichotomy is one that is so ingrained in our society it seems rare that it is ever challenged. But, the most peculiar aspect of this stark difference between gender identities is the idea that being masculine, in part, means NOT being feminine. In fact, being masculine, as our society defines it, often includes putting down women and anyone who is not a heterosexual, masculine man. The implications of this anti-feminine identity are far-reaching and have negative impacts on pretty much anyone that doesn’t embody a hypermasculine identity.

We often wonder why women are disproportionately the victims of interpersonal violence. When we take a closer look at the foundation that men’s core identities lay on, it is not as surprising that men are mostly the perpetrators of violence, and women the victims. From a young age, boys and girls receive different messages about what is acceptable behavior. This starts in schools, where teachers reward aggressive behaviors in boys and reprimand them in girls. Similarly, through adolescence, boys are lifted up and praised for “sexual conquests” while girls are called a “slut” or “whore” for being sexually active. No matter what life stage it is, girls’ actions are viewed negatively compared to the same actions in boys. Even more astonishing is the fact that boys’ rewarded actions often come at the expense of girls’ mental and physical well-being. This, in part, explains why women are disproportionately the victims of violence and men the perpetrators of it. Much of the blame is to fall on society for socializing boys and men to believe that masculinity has to do with not being feminine. We must change the way we think about masculinity in order to save femininity and the women that are victims of our men’s actions, as well as the men who fear straying from the hypermasculine identity.