As I continue to theorize masculinities I have noticed more and more similarities in struggles that both men and women, both feminist and not, go through. Here are some of the most prominent struggles I have learned about and seen through my own experiences that men might deal with throughout their lifetime. I realize that every individual will undergo a different lived experience, and there is no way to summarize all the stereotypes and struggles any one person will go through. My intent is to draw comparisons and similarities between both men and women's experiences in modern American society as I have both seen and learned about as an opportunity for education and discussion.
1. Body image: Men and women alike are constantly bombarded with images of unrealistic beauty expectations. Women are expected to be thin, tall and beautiful; men are expected to be tall and muscular, to name just a few characteristics. In reality, these expectations are narrow, hurtful and at times, unobtainable. Most importantly, advertisements' main goal is to make consumers want to look like the models in them, which usually includes purchasing the products advertised. However, what if someone wants to look uniquely their own? These popular images and advertisements perpetuate the idea that there is one singular form of beauty. They reject unconventional beauty and make both men and women who do not fit their standards uncomfortable in their own skin.
2. The breadwinner: Drawing from my own mentality as a female feminist and young adult, I think some feminist women might feel a strong desire or need to become successful and support themselves financially. For me, this drive for success creates fear and anxiety for failure to not complete that goal. If I don't "make it" in the world, I'll consider myself a failure. This mentality is similar to the traditional notion that men should be the breadwinner in the family. Although this view might be outdated and practiced less often, I think it still sits in the back of men's minds. Men's expectation to be the breadwinner is created by society, and some women's expectation is a self-imposed goal. Regardless, the pressure is on for both.
3. Sexuality: This issue is tied into the topic of body image and is perpetuated by society at large such as through the porn and advertisement industries. Not only are men expected to be good-looking "hunks," but they are also expected to have "adequate" penises and a preexisting knowledge of how to perform well in the bedroom. The "virgin" is commonly mocked and stress is put on young men who have not yet had a sexual encounter. Shame and humiliation are common responses to men who don't have a porn-like penis, sex drive or know-how. Similarly, women are expected to be objects and be submissive in the bedroom. Both expectations are unrealistic and harmful.
4. The man box: We all know what the man box is by now --- it's the strict confines society has placed on how men "should" act. It includes being tough, emotionless, strong and able-bodied. I argue that feminist women also create their own box, one that requires them to be strong, independent and potentially resist help from others. Again, this is taken from my own personal experience. As an independent woman, I find shame in asking others for help or admitting defeat. These are similar feelings those in the man box experience. Being strong and independent are amazing qualities for a human being to have, but at times even our best qualities can hinder us.
Overall, I wanted to draw these comparisons to show how similar men and women really are, and that there are many shared struggles we experience. Hopefully this attitude can translate into a more inclusive and accepting world.
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