I don't even know your name

So I work in the service industry as a server (not like that really pertains to anything in this blog post) but I feel as if it may be worth mentioning. Anyways, I really just do my job, make my money, and leave. Which is what I try to do. Though, there are times when things get difficult and I’m stuck in the middle of speaking up or just staying quiet.

There have been times where my moral and ethical compass is telling me to speak up, and say something. But my bank account needs money, and I can’t risk losing my job. There have been times when I have caught men not just talking to me, but other women I work with and saying the most outrageous things.

The other night for example, I was serving a group of about five men. One of the men suddenly asked me if the woman I was working with was single. This man clearly had a ring on his finger, so I wasn’t certain as to why he was asking me what her relationship status was. I exclaimed no she wasn’t single, and resumed with what I was doing.

What baffles me, is obviously (1) the ring on his left finger, but (2) why does it even matter if she’s in a relationship? Why did this man think it was okay to ask what her relationship status was. Why is it any of his business of what her status is? She doesn’t know you, so why is that deemed “okay” to even ask. Some may say my response may come off prude-ish, or slightly harsh. But that’s why some of these comments, and certain interactions with others are so normalized because of how often it happens.

Question is, why is it okay for you to ask me such personal questions, when I don’t even know your name?