Why Don't Men Cry?

Growing up, we are taught that girls are emotional and sensitive, while boys feel no emotion and have a heart of steel. Not until growing up and studying gender studies have I realized how harmful this concept is, which most of our youth are brought up to believe. The concept of the “man box” has jumped out at me throughout this semester’s studies because it finally explains, and labels, why men don’t cry. Not only why they don’t cry, but why they seem to “care less” than women in heterosexual relationships, why people use “gay” as an insult, and why calling a man “weak” is a huge blow to their ego and their identity. 

We can’t say it’s men’s fault that they are hesitant to show their emotions or be anything but hypermasculine and heterosexual. In fact, we have society to blame for that. Starting from a young age, boys are socialized in a way that teaches them that ‘man = strong’. The “man box” incorporates tons of other “masculine” traits, like strength, muscularity, dominance, superiority to women, toughness, and anger. It’s no surprise that when men grow up, they act out these concepts of masculinity that they were taught their whole lives. To make matters worse, men fear breaking out of this stereotypical male identity because they are taught that they will face ridicule from their peers, and even violence, for not conforming. Men have admitted that the fear of straying from the “man box” is what keeps them conforming to masculine stereotypes for much of their lives. 

It’s a sad reality that our men feel pressured to live up to a stereotypically masculine identity because of the forces that tell them they must do so. The fear of ridicule and shame from their peers is often what keeps men adhering to “man box” qualities which only furthers the belief that men must fit those criteria. When will men feel comfortable crying publicly? It’s hard to say, but one thing is for certain: it won’t happen unless society becomes comfortable accepting men for who they really are.