Friday, October 26, 2018

Masculinity in the Gay Community



The provided link will take you to a study that focuses on how masculinity influences the LGBT community- namely, how it effects gay men. 
“Societal conceptions of masculinity affect the self-image and relationships of many gay men…” (Sanchez, Greenberg, Liu, and Vilian, Reported Effects of Masculine Ideals on Gay Men)
In the gay community, there are many men who embody traditional masculine ideals. Often times paired with the drive to become a vision of machoism is the hatred of effeminate gay men. This is likely due to the ridiculous notion that men who inspire to be masculine cannot, or rather should not, be feminine. 
Here is a personal story from my second-hand experience with the matter:
I was participating in one of those semi-forced/semi-enjoyable work functions where one of your coworkers holds you socially hostage for a few hours and you go, even if only to build a sense of comradery with your coworkers. I went with good friend and coworker, accurately dubbed ‘broworker’. My broworker is a proud, effeminate gay man. 
He and I had been talking for weeks in anticipation of my doing his makeup for the first time in his life. He said that was excited at the idea of 'being able to express himself through another creative outlet'. Before the work-party, he and I met up and I did his makeup for the first time. When I was finished, he absolutely loved it. He screamed, he hugged me, and he took pictures. He even mentioned being excited to stunt on our other coworkers with his new look. 
When we got to the party, however, his entire mood shifted. He visibly wilted, like a flower. He exhibited a continuous lack of confidence until it digressed to such a point that he was dabbing the makeup off of his face while crying in the bathroom. I asked him privately what originally made him start to spiral and his response was deeply sad. “I didn’t want him to judge me, and I knew he already was the moment he saw the makeup on my face.” 
The ‘him’ that he was talking about was another coworker, who we saw at the work-party. This coworker was your traditional masculine gay man, like the study linked above discusses. I didn’t understand why my broworker was worried about the opinion of this other person, so I asked why he thought he was being judged. His response was along the lines of “some gay men don’t like how other gay men represent themselves- they think it’s harmful to the portrayed image of gay men”. 
That… doesn’t even make sense. There is no right way or wrong way to be gay, and there is no room for that kind of judgement in a community that tirelessly teaches us to accept and celebrate the differences of all people. This is not to say that it is wrong to be a gay man who embodies traditional masculine ideals- it’s not. Do your thing, but also encourage others to do theirs as well. Encouragement is a powerful tool.

The study was interesting to read because it focused on how masculinity effects gay men, and provides valuable scientific insight on the topic. I do recommend it, if you have the time.
Thank you for reading.

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