The "Man" Box

           In relation to “Act like a Man: Introducing Masculinities” module I found a Ted Talk with Tony Porter describing the concept of the “man” box. In this video he describes the way how men are “taught to be tough, courageous, strong, and how men should be in charge” (Tony Porter Ted Talk: A Call to Men). This demonstrates the idea of the “man” box which enforces that  men are supposed to not cry, be tough, fight like a man, and be financial successful.  I inserted image below of what the “man” box looks like.

           Here we can see what the “man” box contains. It shows what men are described as and who they should be portrayed as. While the feelings of what any human would be feel should be locked in the confines of this box.  The Ted Talk link below goes more into depth of the image seen here and how men should break free of this “man” box.

Check it out here: https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men#t-21545

Metal and Masculinity: Pt. 2

Here's the second part of "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" about gender and sexuality. I would like to examine a couple points in this documentary and expand on them a bit.

Sam: "And of course the big debate perhaps is that groupies are percieved as being objectified and powerless--"

Pamela: "That is so lame! Because they're exactly where they want to be. Women who are hanging out with bands are not dragged and coerced into the bands' bedrooms or back stage or buses or anything. They want to be there. They make every effort in the world to get where they can be with these bands, and they're doing exactly what they want to do."

The assumption that groupies are objectifies and powerless is, in and of itself, a sexist sentiment. It assumes women aren't sexual beings, don't want to be sexualized, that they all aspire to the ideal of the proverbial virgin. If anything, the people being objectified as sexual objects in this relationship are the male performers. They're the ones who are the sexual trophy, they're the ones being conquered by these women. To assume that this can't happen is also a sexist sentiment. It assumes that all men want lots of sex, which may not always be the case.

"And then finally you start realizing, shit, this is a job too. You know? It's a business. It's not just constant partying."

"When I got off the road and I decided I was done, it took me a long time to be able to embrace a woman, with any integrity at all; they were all pigs. And you start to, you know, it, a lot of these guys, you know, are still headfucked about it. You know what I mean? A lot of these guys still try to live that lifestyle because they don't know anything else. But, you know, you become a product of that environment."

Vince Neil of Mötley Crüe (first quote above) seems to have been horribly impacted by the "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll" philosophy. His name is associated not only with the band, but with sex tapes and multiple accusations of assault on sex workers. It would be hard to argue this has no relationship to the lifestyle he maintained in his band. Having a 24/7 all-you-can-eat buffet of women may have made it very difficult for him to mature and adapt to normal society, and in a way he was a victim of that lifestyle. Much like how women sex workers may start stereotyping all men as pigs, heavy metal artists who were contantly exposed to sexually driven women may have lost respect for all women. With such a loss of respect comes consequences.

I wouldn't go so far as to suggest that heavy metal and rock 'n' roll are the devil's music, and bad for everyone, and should be banned. Absolutely not. But I would suggest that, when it comes to the sex part of "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll", all parties have a responsibility to consider the gender consequences of their actions. Treating men as sexual objects is playing into patriarchy in just the same way as the objectification of women is.

"When we get on stage, people give us a great deal of respect, which is fantastic. But, um, I've been in bands before Girlschool, but I've been on stage, people asking me if I'm 'tuning the guitar for the guitarist' or, you know, that sort of patronizing comment. 'Cause they don't expect a female to get up and play guitar. But, you know, that's the way it's always been."

That's one thing that metalheads pride themselves in, is that they're equal-opportunity, and show a great deal of respect for people who participate but are not the mainstream. This doesn't just apply to women; when non-whites begin participating, the community is enthusiastic and embracing, and shows a great deal of respect toward them. At the same time, there's always the risk of tokenizing them.

When I suggest metal is a "celebration of masculinity" one of the first things opponents do is point to females in bands. They completely disregard the fact that these women are respected specifically because they perform as men, that they demonstrate and embody masculinity. If they don't embody masculinity, if they speak of women's issues and the experience of girls, if they demonstrate any sort of femininity, they are rejected, in the same way nü metal and hardcore bands are. Take for instance the band Kittie, who frequently speak directly to female listeners in their lyrics. Like Slipknot, this band is not taken very seriously in by metal purists, and often rejected from the genre entirely. While they don't get called "pussies" or "fag music" like a male band might, you might hear someone say "they don't count."

"They tried to put me a little bit more into the, you know, female sexy image, but without power. And I didn't like that. And the people at the record company said, 'Get rid of the black leather. That's number one. Be more of a girl.' And I said, 'Oh no no no no no I can't, you know, I can't do it. And I don't want to do it. I definitely want to, you know, be myself.'"

So while fans love to see women "wearing the pants" in metal, that's not to say they haven't faced resistance in the scene. Record labels know that sex sells, so the assumption is that, if you have a female artist, you need to sexualize them to make bank. Even the members of Kittie feel pressured to look good in order to be successful. This is a conflict male performers don't really have to deal with. But for the women in metal, they find themselves more successful when they resist being turned into sexual objected, and, I would argue, would fail or be rejected if they gave in.

Sam: "Is having kind of a tough persona on stage, is that important to you"

Angela: "Yeah, yeah. Because I am tough on stage. You know? I feel very strong on stage, and I want to give that to the people in front of that stage. If you can just have a lot of strength and power, and want to give it to these people and they take a bit of that home."

Even though they are women on the stage, in a way they are still participating in homosociality, in that they emulate masculinity for a masculine audience (regardless whether the audience members are male or female). The main goal is to share that masculinity, that power, that rebellion, that freedom, with the audience. It doesn't matter what the sex of the performer is.

Metal and Masculinity: Pt. 1

Here is a clip from Sam Dunn's documentary "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" that explores gender and sexuality in heavy metal culture. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend watching this documentary in full, but for the purposes of class, I'm just going to share the gender/sexuality parts with you.



I would like to examine a couple points in this documentary and expand on them a bit.

"Heavy metal has always traditionally been male-dominated. Fact. It was a boy's club, in the way that the music was very aggressive and wasn't particularly sympathetic towards getting a female audience. It wasn't excluding them deliberately, but it's the way it went."

Here, note that he is speaking of the unintentional isolation of women from the metal culture in the past tense. While women aren't anywhere near equally represented in the culture today, it's much better than it once was. In the '80s, perhaps 10% (Dee Snyder's estimation) of the audience was female (and many of them stood on the sidelines, "holding their boyfriends' jackets"), you now have closer to (in my estimation) 30% of the fanbase female. Even in some of the more abrasive genres, you're starting to see a lot more women at these shows fully participating. The last time I went to see Amon Amarth (death metal, gutteral vocals, viking warrior-themed), 1/3 of the audience, easily, was female, which I found very surprising. Many female-lead bands, such as Arch Enemy and Nightwish, have fan bases that are more predominantly female.

In the last 20-30 years, the shift in gender roles in our culture has made the masculine themes of heavy metal much more accessible to women. With more and more families composed of two working parents, and women playing a bigger role in the workplace as they fulfill their career aspirations, the strong music and "working-class ethos" of the metal culture are not as foreign to the female audience as they once were. Male fans are generally very welcoming of this shift, and, though they respond with surprise when they see a woman in a mosh pit or spewing growling vocals, they praise and encourage the participation, rather than shoving them out of the action or booing them off stage.

Whereas, it could be argued, emo music has feminized men and created a "crisis of masculinity", metal is starting to do the complete opposite, masculinizing women. But no one is calling this a "crisis of feminity" because if women are giving up their femininity and starting to act more like men, nothing of value is lost. I would also argue that metal isn't what's changing women in our culture; the changing fanbase is just a reflection of paradigm shifts in our culture. Similarly, with emo, I would argue that men in our culture are becoming more feminized for other reasons, and then gravitate toward emo, not the other way around.

"So strength is one of the elements [of metal], but also using tools very effectively is another part of that working-class, masculine ethos."

This was particularly interesting to me, and I had never thought of it this way before. Despite its rough outer appearance, heavy metal is extremely sophisticated musically. Performers should be able to play riffs, solos, improvise, etc. Back stage, they have a very tender, affectionate relationship with their instruments, and treat them almost as if they were their babies. If you are NOT able to achieve the high level of skill expected of a metal musician, you are ridiculed and feminized. Bands that call themselves metal, but aren't very good, are rejected by purist fans and sequestered to "lesser" genres such as hardcore, punk, and so-called nü metal. These genres are often ridiculed, assumed to be compensating, called gay, their fans called fags, and generally seen as outside of the masculine metal box. This isn't because the bands are considered "girly" or anything, however. It is because they lack skill, and are therefore seen as weaker, inferior. If they try to call themselves metal (or if anyone else tries to call them metal), they are put in their place quickly.

Note, that metalheads don't feminize/ridicule all musicians and fans of these genres necessarily. It is only when the fans and musicians attempt to catagorize these lesser musics as metal that the hostility shows. For example, no one at Metal Club would ridicule me for having Sum 41 or Linkin Park in my music library. They would, however, berate me if I tried to play their music at a club meeting as a means of claiming it as part of the genre.

"If you want to call it sexist, you could, but you'd be missing something. Masculine in Western culture means freedom. And women are always trying to tie them down and domesticate them, so that's part of the masculinity element"

Given this statement, it's easy to understand how metal became so obsessed with Satanism. Satan is not seen as an evil force (except perhaps in the roots of some of the earliest bands like Black Sabbath and Rainbow) so much as a great symbol of rebellion against an oppressive (in this context, feminine) God. In Viking metal, the phrase "The White Christ" doesn't imply purity; it implies cowardice and weakness. Satan is glorified as a rebel; case in point, Symphony X's "Paradise Lost" and the Norwegian black metal scene.

"Metal is probably the last bastion of real rebellion, real masculinity, real men getting together and basically beating their chests."

Notice that this member of Slipknot is saying this over clips of hardcore dancers "moshing" in a pit. The irony of this is that Slipknot is one of those nü metal bands that any metalhead worth his salt will tell you is pussy music, and that the kind of so-called "moshing" shown is a hardcore style of moshing (2-stepping, windmills, "hardcore dancing") that is not generally acceptable in purist metalhead circles. The dance style is more aimed at inflicting harm on others and deflecting self-injury, rather than real moshing which simulates diving into combat head-on, a style of dance that almost encourages you to get so rough that you hurt yourself. Indeed, I have seen people get injured and bloodied during mosh pits, only to later show off their wounds and receive high-fives and horn salutes for their brutality. The message here is that to really be masculine, you can't be afraid of pain. Interestingly, the message also seems to be that masculinity doesn't mean going out of your way to hurt others (unless of course your willing to sustain injury yourself).

And while I'm on the note of bashing Slipknot: he also says here, "Yeah, I love women and I'm totally respectful to them, but at the same time I'm a guy. I like hanging out with guys and doing dumb shit." I'm not really sure what he means when he says he respects women, since this statement is coming from a guy who dehumanizes his entire fanbase by calling them "maggots". He also equates masculinity with "doing dumb shit" which, honestly, isn't all that respectful of men either. If anything, it seems to me he confuses boyishness with masculinity. These are arguably not the same thing.

"I don't know how to explain it. I never questioned my sexuality at any point, and I was up there in lingerie! And my wife, then girlfriend, she was the one dressing me up half the time. I was going 'Okay, great, whatever. Stockings? Let's do it. It's gonna get more attention, it's gonna get me in trouble, let's do it. Gonna freak people out? Fuck yeah!'"

"What are you going to do if you want to rebel, as a man? You gonna get an even more severe suit than your dad? You know? You can't go that direction, but you can genderbend... so that being feminine is the most masculine thing that you can do in this world."

Tales of rebellion are part of the warrior stories that are central to the expression of masculinity. We live in a period of relative peace, in a world where we don't have to fight and kill on a regular basis to defend our home or feed our family. Themes of rebellion in metal are not always about fighting a righteous battle, such as in Iced Earth's "The Glorious Burden". In metal, musicians that dress in women's clothing and sing about Satan probably don't see themselves as oppressed, so much as they see themselves as having fun by picking a fight with cultural expectations. This can be seen in the attitudes expressed by glam metal and shock rock artists like Dee Snyder here.

When I talk about metal being a "celebration of masculinity", opponents often cite either token female artists, or glam metal. In a sort of reverse-psychology sort of way, being feminine is an expression of masculinity, in that it is an act of rebellion against gender norms, and also that a man must be very secure with his masculinity in order to emulate feminine characteristics.

"Heavy metal/rock 'n' roll is very masculine, very hetero. When a guy's up there in his skin-tight pair of leather pants and he's humping the air, they're not looking at it as, 'Awe man, he's shaking his dick at me!' They look at it as, 'Yeah man, yeah, fuck that chick. Whoa, man, I wish I was him; he must be getting laid!'"

Metal (today, at least) isn't overtly hostile toward homosexuality. When Rob Halford reunited with Judas Priest, he was welcomed with open arms. The gay guitarist in Dragonforce is sometimes teased for his sexuality, even on stage by other band members in front of a live audience, but the tone isn't any worse than any other homosocial interactions.

The phenomenon of males viewing other strutting males is another form of homosociality just like any other; there's nothing homosexual about it, as Dee Snyder confusedly seems to think ("Some doctors need to look into this. [laughs]"). I think, when compared to hip-hop, it's a much more healthy expression of masculinity, in that it never uses the commodification of women in order to achieve masculinity. If it does, it's very rare, and it's not in the same tone as hip-hop where men see women as "bitches and hoes". Listen to the lyrics of Mötley Crüe's "Girls, Girls, Girls" and you'll notice it's more about men taking pleasure in the female form, and even romance: "Girls, Girls, Girls / Long legs and burgundy lips... Dancin' down on Sunset Strip... Have you read the news / In the Soho Tribune / Ya know she did me / Well then she broke my heart."

bathroom duty: a diary from the bowels of masculinity

hey ya'll,

hope everyone is having a good semester. i took this class a year ago, and i had a great experience. i hope the same can be said for all of you. anyways, i'm gonna plug my blog here: bathroom duty because i think it is relevant. i work in the bathroom at various local clubs, and am witness to some crazy aspects of masculinity. hope you enjoy reading.

Male Feminist Appreciation Post: Jay Smooth

So this week, I felt it was appropriate to share a “Male Feminist Appreciation Post”, honoring an individual whose main goals seem to fit in with this week’s content (black masculinity, but also in a sense, intersectionality). I have had an e-crush on Jay Smooth ever since I was looking around for new positive hip-hop to listen to and came across his vlog site, ill doctrine. Now prepare yourself, because this will be video-heavy – if only blogger had a cut feature. Sorry, ya’ll.
To my knowledge (he has many a-video, and I haven’t watched them all), Jay Smooth has never referred to himself specifically as a “feminist,” but after reading Haji Shearer’s essay on why he isn’t a feminist I can understand why he may have not yet forthrightly said that or may never. And at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter, because he provides a much needed dialogue within hip hop culture, often entrenched in misogyny. As Shearer eloquently explains: “Men consciously working to undo oppressive history… [unleashes] a powerful healing force in the world…one need not be a feminist to understand that.” (MSO, 135).
The first video of Jay Smooth’s that I saw was the now popularized “No Homo” video. In it he explicitly calls the phrase into the foreground, explains what is wrong with it, how it makes the person who says it look, and why and how they can avoid use of it. As explained in “New Black Man” by Mark Anthony Neal, black homophobia is an issue within the culture. “It’s time we start championing a movement where ‘real black men are not homophobes’,” Neal asserts. “We do incredible damage to ourselves and to those around us by submitting to an idea that there is some little box that all black men must fit into. We are bigger than that.” (ML 593).

Jay Smooth also took time to interview Elizabeth Mendez Berry, a writer for Vibe magazine, a popular hip hop/black culture publication, who wrote the article “Love Hurts” which chronicles domestic violence within hip-hop. A case from this situation worth looking into (f you don't watch the video), if curious, would be that of Big Pun’s widow, Liza Rios, which is absolutely heartbreaking. The statistics confirm that violence amidst black culture is real: "Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of death forAfrican-American women ages 15 to 45 and the seventh leading cause of premature death for U.S. women overall." (Source: National Institute of Justice). The importance of and need for this kind of shared sentiment within this community was clear and, as per usual, Jay Smooth was the one to step up and deliver the message.

Lastly, to bring about more recent relevance, Jay Smooth just made a video discussing the Roman Polanski case that seems to be buzzing from everyone’s lips (and I mentioned how it briefly came up in a class of mine the other day in my previous post). If you’ve been on any feminist websites, some of the content may be familiar, but it is always important to hear it from a different source. At the end of the day, a person's status as a victim does not give that person a license to victimize others, and Jay Smooth once again talks about something that may have otherwise gone unmentioned within hip-hop culture.

From Jay: “This started out as a brief mini-video, and somehow turned into an endless obsessive rant about the minutiae of the Polanski case. This video has no entertainment value, unless you enjoy hearing "let's be clear" over and over.”
Whether the initial intersectional debates are rooted in his personal background of being socio-economically and racially split, as Jay Smooth has discussed in the past with being shuttled between Harlem and the Upper West Side and public and private schools ("Since I had a black dad and a white mom, visually I'm racially indistinct," Smooth says. "It sort of put me in a unique position to travel between different worlds and see each community with its guard down."), he discusses racism, sexual violence, and physical violence in a very thoughtful way, so necessary when one looks at statistics and becomes aware of the cross-cultural aspects of these issues, but also the need of a voice within the hip-hop community who is affected by it in overwhelming percentages.
See more, and read discussion and comments from a group you might be marginalizing here: http://www.illdoctrine.com/

Men Have Feelings Too!: A Look at Praise and Self-Esteem in Masculinity

I apologize for length! I tried to eliminate wordiness.

One of the first things we discussed in class was the hypothetical situation of looking in the mirror, and what your reflection said back to you. Some of us saw the melanin first, identified as latino/a, black, white. Others saw more feminine features; some saw simply a human being. We came to realize that those identifying as the last type are oftentimes white men, those typically representative of privilege. We supposition that they see no identifiers because they are the status quo, but have we ever thought about the fact that maybe the reason why they see nothing to identify is because they feel nearly invisible?

We all know the privilege afforded to men throughout history, so there is no need for me to discuss that, all I ask is for readers to have an open mind when thinking of men’s relationships with violence (sexual and otherwise) and issues with praise, self-worth, and body image.

The last fight I can recall having with a significant other revolved around my feeling underappreciated and undervalued in our relationship. I felt that the longer the relationship progressed, the less I was receiving compliments or praise. After the third or fourth time of bringing this issue to light, he retorted back with something that turned me upside down: “Well, you never compliment me.” Wait, I thought, confounded, I had to? Up until that point, I hadn’t considered how necessary it was to reciprocate, I naively (and with sexist tendencies, too) assumed women needed the support system of compliments more. Luckily, this caused a mental overhaul.

I stumbled upon a blog entry by Hugo Schwyzer in which he touched upon this topic. He explained in his blog titled “Of never feeling hot: the missing narrative of desire in the lives of straight men,” that we, in America “don’t have a culture in which many young men grow up with the experience of being seen and wanted.” He emphasizes a man’s experience with being raised to think of his body as functional rather than fluid. A main notion of male sexuality revolves around the way their drive is portrayed as nearly animalistic. This leaves men with two options: let it free and “score”, or abstain heroically by being a man “in control.” As Schwyzer points out, rarely is it explained that a man may in fact have a third option, being the object of a woman’s lust, particularly in terms of their bodies. A discourse never discussed slowly evolves into an option that rarely occurs due to perceived standards.

I independently surveyed some males I know to get their opinion on this topic, and the idea was further corroborated: “I feel women tend to compliment men less, especially in public or when they feel genuine sexual attraction, due to the fear that they will break a social norm or come off as desperate, slutty, or aggressive.” – FH, 21 (white, heterosexual)

Schwyzer continues to point out how many men only get the most solid and steady praise from individuals in their life like their mother and that this does not fulfill more desperate needs in terms of sexual and physical appreciation. Additionally, he explains another unique phenomenon, which I wasn’t personally aware of as holding truth until I followed up with males I knew. Schwyzer explains: “Most young men grow up with what might be called the ‘Brad Pitt Discourse’: the idea that a small subset of particularly attractive men are the objects of women’s desire.” While many women I have come to know usually consider males and females in very separate places in regards to self-esteem, ideas like this introduce the similarity amongst the sexes in publicized notions (that are often grossly unfair) that they (willing/are forced to/etc) subscribe to. It may not be as obvious since a great deal of advertising dollars go into the female market, issues of inadequacy and self-worth know no limitations in terms of gender. Independent research proved this point, too, to be accurate. “I feel that many men feel that they are unattractive or undesirable. I remember the first time I was in a serious sexual relationship it blew my mind that a girl I found sexually attractive could find me sexually attractive. In our society the norm is for men to woo the women but a lot of guys are afraid to do this because they feel such intense sexual desire for women that they couldn't fathom a woman having the same feeling for them.” – FH, 21 (white, heterosexual)

Lastly, Schwyzer discusses his sexual experimentation with men and women and the vast differences between them in terms of receiving as well as types of desirable praise. He explains that when he was with a woman, he seemed to have to establish a causal relationship to bring on her praise, instead of it having to do with preexisting personal desire. With the man, it changed and was exclusively desire-based and therefore felt more explicit and also genuine to Schwyzer. “She said encouraging things like ‘You make me feel so good.’ When I first was with this older man, he said something that rocked me: ‘You’re so hot, you make me want to come.’” Concluded in the survey of a male friend who identified as a 4 on the Kinsey scale (predominantly homosexual but not incidentally heterosexual): “My own experience with women is limited. Whenever I was with them, it was easy for me to compliment their body, to say things like “You're hot”, “you're sexy”, etc. But whenever I heard compliments from them, I didn't believe them. I never thought I was handsome or good looking. It was only until I started seeing men did I believed the compliments and the praise. It felt more honest hearing it from them than from a woman.” – SK, 19 (white). It appears that in addition to Schwyzer’s explanation of men being inundated with the idea of their bodies being tools with a purpose from youth, it is most often only liberated by two individuals on the same side of the problem sharing sexual and physical praise.

In our textbook “The Male Body,” an additional point is made based on the “armor”- related tendencies of the male body. Whilst analyzing dual advertisements including men and women with their pants down for an underwear ad, author Susan Bordo notes that when men in ads strip for erotic display, they “tend to present their bodies aggressively and so rarely seem truly exposed”. Additionally, their bodies “are a kind of natural armor.” (30). As we have discussed repeatedly whether through veins of machismo or in familial influence according to orchestrating a child’s gender displays, it is clear that one of the main issues is related to the generalization and feeding into men as stones. This characterization finds itself mimicked and expounded in terms of violence. The causal relationship between men not feeling praise for themselves and their physical form, and their eventual predisposition towards multiple forms of violence is undeniable.

Some of the factors listed that can cause a propensity to physical and sexual violence on Stop Violence Against Women’s website are as follows: a preference for impersonal sex, poverty, lack of employment, lack of institutional support, associating with sexually aggressive peers. To quickly tie them together (so as to not make this too much longer), it is clear that a preference for impersonal sex can be borne directly out of a man seeing his body and being raised to understand his body as nothing but an instrument. The aspects of poverty, unemployment, and a lack of institutional support corroborate the idea of low self-esteem and self-worth and the environments that propagate it. Lastly, the association with sexually aggressive peers is likely to come out of this cultural predisposition to socialize all men in the same way regarding their bodies and self-confidence which exacerbates the issue on an aggregate level.

My ultimate suggestion and interest in this subject comes to rest in the understanding and support of establishing body image workshops for young men, in the same way they exist for young women. Sexual education overhaul could also help to improve this. I have read of discrepancies (even in The Male Body) in which boys are shuffled off to a class to look at STI damage and women are brought together to bond over their menstrual cycles. All children should learn to love their body, develop a more personalized relationship with it, and see use beyond the science.

I think that equal praise should also be brought to these types of workshops or organizations. One common complaint, regardless of race or sexual preference, was the lack of even praise in terms of gender constraints.

“[We’re taught] it's okay to compliment women on their looks. When men are complimented it is typically about some sort of skill or status they possess, and when men compliment other men then you're bordering homosexuality. I feel it takes away from our humanity.” – KA, 21 (heterosexual)

“From my experience, men compliment women just as much as women compliment men. I even see women compliment women all the time. I see a gap in men complimenting men, probably because it is seen as a queer thing to do.” – SK, 19

Men and women taking part within feminist struggles have already begun to establish relationships related on patriarchal institutes that harm women as well as violence-related movements that find a lot of blame being put upon men. I think it is time we see the causal relationships at play, and begin bringing self-esteem and praise into the paradigm of pro-feminism/male feminism as well. It's easy forget for some feminists that the men beside us aren't invincible due to all of the wealth and benefits they've accumulated within the system. However, as people who sing a battle cry of "Equality", we should be first on board to establish environments that give men an equal opportunity at feeling good about themselves.

(*Note* Due to time and length, I included some extra interesting quotes that were unused below.)

“I certainly feel like I am more likely to be generally complimented by females when exhibiting more feminine traits (I think this is less typical maybe) I think that it's personally because I'm naturally more feminine than most males I know, therefore when being more feminine I guess maybe it seems genuine and it sticks out. I certainly appreciate any compliments given on my behavior, but I also believe that it is natural for men (even myself) to especially enjoy compliments regarding one's masculinity, I guess because it makes a man feel more appealing to the opposite sex when receiving praise for his role as a male. It seems to me that men want reassurance that they are competent enough to hold down the masculine side of things because we feel it's important for it to be known that we can fill that spot in a traditional relationship.”

“Now though it may not be praise, a man's sexual performance is certainly more talked about.”

- JS, 23 (self-identified as heterosexual)

“I feel as though women are taught to not feel as though men need compliments because are to be emotionless stalwarts of masculinity that require no form of support. I personally believe that men need it, whether they admit it or not, and I thrive on it.”

- KA, 21 (heterosexual)

“It is seen as chivalrous and appropriate for a man of any age to pay a woman a compliment such as "You look very pretty today". However for a woman, particularly a younger woman (especially an attractive younger woman) to tell a man he looks "handsome" is seen as provocative.”

- FH, 21 (self-identified as heterosexual)

“I find that I get more compliments from girls whenever I act ‘feminine’ in that way, but whenever I'm around gay men, I get more compliments when I'm ‘masculine’.”

- SK, 19 (self-identified as a 4 on Kinsey scale, predominantly homosexual)

“I can't really remember the last time I was complimented for doing something masculine. Again, not that it matters much to me (a compliment is a compliment), but it seems as though acting feminine gets you a gold star while acting masculine just gets you by.”

- JF, 20 (self-identified as asexual)