Successful Manhood

    “What do you do?”, “What career do you have?” these questions are some of the first things asked when people are introduced to each other, especially men.  The competitive nature of industrialized, individualistic culture in America has created an unobtainable standard of “success”.  But what is success if you aren’t happy? 

    For men, their masculinity is almost exclusively their career.  The breadwinner expectation has evolved into a constant climb to the top of the social hierarchy.  This has led to 80-hour work weeks, high divorce rates, and high rates of male suicides.  Men are now literally and metaphorically killing themselves to be better than the next guy all in order to be “successful”.

    What if men flipped the script? What if the first thing people asked each other after being introduced was not “so, what do you do?” but rather “are you happy?”.  In my opinion, that should be the measure of success.  If a man can come home to either his family, or if he chooses to be single, and be truly happy, I believe that men’s mental health and relational health would be much healthier.  If you are a man, I will leave you with this thought: Does being a successful man mean being successful on other’s terms or on your own?

No Homo Bro

    “But no homo” uttered the teenage boy after expressing his gratitude towards his male friend for being there for him after he lost both his parents.  After all this boy has been through, he finally became vulnerable enough to express his feelings towards his friend, but he still has a seed inside of him that any acknowledgment of emotion would mean that he has is attracted to men.  

    Modern men face a treacherous outcome in their same sex relationships.  Feelings are feminized and misunderstood to mean that the man expressing the feelings has a sexual attraction to the other. This has left men with stoic, cold, and shallow friendships with other men.  Furthermore, the phrase “no homo” deepens the segregation between heterosexual and homosexual men.

    The taboo that straight men have created around homosexuality has not only severed their own relationships with themselves but also ousted homosexual men.  When a man must assert that he does not sexual preference towards other men due to one action or another, it creates a sharp divide.  In the man’s mind, after saying a comment like “no homo”, it is translated as oh no I am not gay, that would be a bad thing and I am not that.  What happens when heterosexual men meet a homosexual man? To me, it seems that there would be a tension as if the homosexual man is completely unlike them and somehow a “bad” or “weird” man.  When saying such as “no homo” are eliminated from men’s verbiage, maybe it will lay the ground for authentic man to man friendships and furthermore, create a climate for inclusivity of homosexual men into heterosexual men’s circles.  

Be a MAN

    Have you ever heard this expression before?  Maybe you have heard it said to a friend, a son, a boyfriend...heck, maybe you have even said it yourself.  Being told to be “a man” materializes the societal stereotypes of manhood including, but not limited to, being tough, strong, successful, smart, stoic, and the breadwinner.  However, do we ever stop and ask ourselves what happens to men when this phrase is uttered?  

    For centuries, men have been put in this so-called “man box”.  Inside of this box is everything a man “should” be, at least according to the historical archetypes.  In books, movies, and advertisements, men are portrayed as dominant, unrelenting, unemotional, athletic figures.  When a man’s life is constantly inundated with these images from the popular media, it is difficult to deter these expectations of who he should be and live up to be.  

    Furthermore, the phrase “be a man” further suggests the firm dichotomy between male and female, implying that there is no grey area.  The firmness of the perceived boundary between feminine and masculine determines the polarization of the two.  Men are more drawn to traditionally masculine qualities as means to solidify their identity as a man. It is my opinion that men should learn at a young age that being a man doesn’t hold them to only masculine characteristics, instead when men learn to embrace their femininity they are even more “manly”.  Imagine a world where men are not driven strictly to be what the man box tells them they should be but rather who they are authentically and holistically. 

Surveilling the Male Body

Typically when we hear the word “objectification,” we think of the objectification and sexualization of women in the media. From any major fashion advertisement, like the Alexander Wang ad below, to Telenovelas and soap operas, women’s bodies are constructed as a site for the viewing and pleasure of others. We have seen the negative impacts of objectification on women, like the growing number of women diagnosed with an eating disorder or exhibiting signs of disordered eating. But, with such a high focus on the objectification of women, have we lost sight of the prevalence of the objectification of men’s bodies, too? 

Especially with the growing use of social media among both genders, the objectification of men is at an all-time high. Through the study of male body builders on Instagram, it was found that these men objectify their bodies in order to reach an aesthetic ideal, one that is frequently portrayed on social media. Men, like women, are learning to value their bodies based on the pleasure and viewing of other people. But, if the objectification of men is truly on the rise, why is it that we don’t hear as much about it as we do of women? It seems to me that we are stuck in the mindset that women are objectified and men do the objectifying. How could it be the other way around? I think our society needs to reevaluate the beauty standards it holds for both genders in order to really understand the impacts that objectification has and how we can improve the lives of all through the elimination of unrealistic beauty ideals.

The Art of NOT Being Feminine

The masculine/feminine dichotomy is one that is so ingrained in our society it seems rare that it is ever challenged. But, the most peculiar aspect of this stark difference between gender identities is the idea that being masculine, in part, means NOT being feminine. In fact, being masculine, as our society defines it, often includes putting down women and anyone who is not a heterosexual, masculine man. The implications of this anti-feminine identity are far-reaching and have negative impacts on pretty much anyone that doesn’t embody a hypermasculine identity.

We often wonder why women are disproportionately the victims of interpersonal violence. When we take a closer look at the foundation that men’s core identities lay on, it is not as surprising that men are mostly the perpetrators of violence, and women the victims. From a young age, boys and girls receive different messages about what is acceptable behavior. This starts in schools, where teachers reward aggressive behaviors in boys and reprimand them in girls. Similarly, through adolescence, boys are lifted up and praised for “sexual conquests” while girls are called a “slut” or “whore” for being sexually active. No matter what life stage it is, girls’ actions are viewed negatively compared to the same actions in boys. Even more astonishing is the fact that boys’ rewarded actions often come at the expense of girls’ mental and physical well-being. This, in part, explains why women are disproportionately the victims of violence and men the perpetrators of it. Much of the blame is to fall on society for socializing boys and men to believe that masculinity has to do with not being feminine. We must change the way we think about masculinity in order to save femininity and the women that are victims of our men’s actions, as well as the men who fear straying from the hypermasculine identity. 

Why Don't Men Cry?

Growing up, we are taught that girls are emotional and sensitive, while boys feel no emotion and have a heart of steel. Not until growing up and studying gender studies have I realized how harmful this concept is, which most of our youth are brought up to believe. The concept of the “man box” has jumped out at me throughout this semester’s studies because it finally explains, and labels, why men don’t cry. Not only why they don’t cry, but why they seem to “care less” than women in heterosexual relationships, why people use “gay” as an insult, and why calling a man “weak” is a huge blow to their ego and their identity. 

We can’t say it’s men’s fault that they are hesitant to show their emotions or be anything but hypermasculine and heterosexual. In fact, we have society to blame for that. Starting from a young age, boys are socialized in a way that teaches them that ‘man = strong’. The “man box” incorporates tons of other “masculine” traits, like strength, muscularity, dominance, superiority to women, toughness, and anger. It’s no surprise that when men grow up, they act out these concepts of masculinity that they were taught their whole lives. To make matters worse, men fear breaking out of this stereotypical male identity because they are taught that they will face ridicule from their peers, and even violence, for not conforming. Men have admitted that the fear of straying from the “man box” is what keeps them conforming to masculine stereotypes for much of their lives. 

It’s a sad reality that our men feel pressured to live up to a stereotypically masculine identity because of the forces that tell them they must do so. The fear of ridicule and shame from their peers is often what keeps men adhering to “man box” qualities which only furthers the belief that men must fit those criteria. When will men feel comfortable crying publicly? It’s hard to say, but one thing is for certain: it won’t happen unless society becomes comfortable accepting men for who they really are.