Toxic Masculinity: What Society Says to Men | Helly Shah

Helly Shah’s Spoken Word poem, “What Society Says to Men” conveys a feminist outlook on the ways that men have been conditioned and wrongfully stereotyped by culture for generation after generation. Being a feminist does not entail believing that one gender is superior to the other, but rather fighting for every gender to have equal rights and opportunities. Shah displays this poignantly, and even opens her poem by saying that while she “always felt like men were born with sense of entitlement to this world” (0:36), she learned that just as women are weighed down by the chackles of prejudice, misogyny, bigotry, patriarchy, Chauvinism, and “ten other jargons” (0:30), men are chackled with emotional suppression, societal ignorance, toxic masculinity, and cultural pressures that stem from problematic gender roles and damaging stereotypes. 

Shah recites the five things that society sermonizes to men from the day they are born to the day that they die. These five issues that society says to men who try to grow up are:

 

1.     MEN DON’T CRY

a.     Because women possess monopoly over tears, not men

b.     Because society stresses that emotion is just a cover up for weakness, and men ‘aren’t supposed to be vulnerable’

c.     Shah states, “When Kevin failed the 5^th grade, he didn’t cry. When Kevin’s mother left him, he didn’t cry. When Kevin’s girlfriend died, he didn’t cry. When Kevin committed suicide, he wondered who would cry.” (1:00)

d.     These stereotypes of masculinity harm boys from an incredibly young age, and make them learn the mental effects of having to prove one’s masculinity while suppressing their emotions to show no signs of ‘weakness’

2.     ALL MEN ARE DOGS

a.     Society paints men to be preying animals, looking for their next woman to lie, cheat, rape, harass, or betray (1:15)

b.    Because all it takes is the action of one bad individual to define an entire gender

c.     “The loyalty, faithfulness, and everything wonderful that is a man’s best friend is shoved under the carpet because that one dog couldn’t stop humping” (1:27)

3.     BE A MAN

a.     Men are pressured and told to ‘be a man’ by the father that left him, by the uncle that preys on underage girls

b.     If this is the standard that we are showcasing to boys and young men, how does our culture expect them to grow up when it is already so arduous to be a teenager in the first place?

4.     REAL MEN FINISH LAST

a.     Masculinity is a word, humanity is another (2:15)

b.    Toxic masculinity and societal pressure teach men that you will never get any pleasure in life unless you are an asshole and treat women like trash

5.     MEN WILL BE MEN

a.     “A man should be a man when he sheds his first tear, when he cries his eyes out… when his father comes home drunk and raises his hand… when his daughter brings home a boy… when he is in bed with the woman he loves, cherishes, and appreciates.” (2:34–2:57)

b.    Before anything else, a man is a human, too

 

Shah is standing for humanity and not taking sides or separating genders and agendas. Men can be and are victims, too. They are victims of generational societal norms and gender misconceptions. As a society, we have to unlearn the generations of conditioning, gender roles and the toxic masculinity that is ingrained into society, and instead opt for kindness, empathy, understanding and liberation from the shackles of these norms and expectations that are placed upon men. 

Works cited

"What Society Says To Men- Helly Shah." YouTube, uploaded by Helly Shah, 2020, youtu.be/HL6-6zdGDxU .

The Wine Not the Label: How Schitt's Creek Got Bisexuality Representation Right

"Our show, at its core, is about the transformational effects of love and acceptance and that is something we need more of now than we've ever needed before," said Dan Levy, as he accepted the 2020 Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series for the television show Schitt’s Creek (which he is the co-creator, co-writer, and actor for) on which he plays David Rose, an openly pansexual character. Schitt’s Creek is celebrated for its inclusivity and positive representations of LGBTQ+ relationships, which is something that is few and far between throughout pop culture and media. Particularly, the show’s representation of the “bi umbrella,” pansexuality (male bisexuality specifically), and its spectrum is something to celebrate.

Bisexuality implies a sexual identification with both women and men (Shaw, Lee, 2019). Likewise, the term ‘bi’ or ‘bisexual’ is an “umbrella term umbrella term used to describe a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender” (Stonewall, 2020), and ultimately covers a broad range of identities. Thus, the term of the bi+ umbrella encompasses identities and attractions such as pansexual, demisexual, polysexual, omnisexual, and more!

Office of LGBTQIA Education & Engagement

 

Throughout the eras of media (particularly film and television), the portrayal of bisexual relationships have been largely negative, misrepresented, and often reflect the cultural intolerance of queer individuals. According to GLAAD’s Where We Are On TV, “gay, lesbian, or bisexual characters make up almost 8% of television characters” (2019). Furthermore, most of the LGBTQ+ relationships that are in popular media are represented through exploitative stereotypes and one-dimensional misconceptions. 

 

For example, bisexual and gay men are often portrayed as bold, promiscuous, flamboyant, flashy caricatures (while bisexual women and lesbians are frequently typecast to be uptight and masculine). And while bisexual men are often erased from mass media, they are almost never forgotten when sexually transmitted diseases are involved (Alexander, 2011), as the bias, fear and homophobia rising from the misconception of AIDS remains prevalent even today. These “biases stemming from lack of knowledge, homophobia, and inaccurate portrayals in the media have left bisexual individuals fighting to reclaim their own narrative” (Jones, 2020), as these one-dimensional labels and prejudices have greatly harmed the depictions of LGBTQ+ individuals and their relationships through pop culture.

 

Thus, it certainly was a groundbreaking moment in television when David Rose eloquently expressed the fluidity of his sexuality by metaphorically explaining that he is fond of a very wide variety of wine and drinking experiences, ultimately saying, “I like the wine, not the label.” With this analogy, David expresses what it means to be pansexual, which is often misconstrued with being bisexual (although pansexuality remains fixed under the “bi umbrella”). Additionally, while the show concludes with David’s character marrying his love interest Patrick (a gay man), this does not disaffirm David’s pansexuality, but rather reaffirms his fluidity while allowing the audience to understand and embrace the wide and proud spectrum of David’s sexuality. 

 

TheShirtList.com

 

Likewise, it is important to note that David’s relationship with Patrick is addressed and positively greeted with absolutely zero questions or raised eyebrows, but full acceptance from all characters involved. Throughout the show, their relationship is treated like any heterosexual union, which is unheard of in popular media. For many other shows that hold a similar narrative to Schitt’s Creek, David and Patrick’s relationship would have been merely cast aside with the brand of a ‘gay relationship,’ apart from the show’s main storyline. Instead, David and Patrick are front and center, their wedding closes the series out, and their relationship is not labelled, but rather a natural representation of love between two individuals who don’t have to face bias or prejudice. 

 

The TV Guide

When speaking on LGBTQ+ representation, Dr. Nora Madison said that "for bisexuals specifically, media representation has a long history of portraying us negatively," (CBS News), as the many derogatory stigmas of bisexuality reflect the ignorant, hypersexualized, and uneducated attitudes that popular, mainstream media holds over bisexuality and many other sexualities that are negatively represented.

Thus, the affirmative representation of LGBTQ+ relationships that Schitt’s Creek has established has been both vital and beneficial for young people and a template for other television shows to follow. Likewise, by having a positive portrayal on TV, it reduces the stigma and allows for audiences to become more empathetic and understanding toward LGBTQ+ relationships.  Although bisexual representations have surely evolved throughout history from its exploitive and problematic origins, it is evident that there is still a long way to go. However, shows like Schitt’s Creek are certainly pointing to the right direction, and we could hope to get more accurate and positive representations of bisexuality throughout popular media 

 

 

Works cited

 

Alexander, Jonathan. “Bisexuality in the Media: A Digital Roundtable.” Journal of Bisexuality, vol. 7, no. 1-2, 2007, pp. 113–24, doi.org/10.1300/J159v07n01_07. 

 

Jones, Zoe C. “Where Does the Media’s Portrayal of Bisexuality Go From Here?” CBS News, 2020, cbsnews.com/news/bi-visibility-day-media-bisexuality-portrayal/.

 

 

Gates, Gary J. “How Many People are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender?” Williams Institute, UCLA  School of Law, 2011, williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/how-many-people-lgbt/.

 

GLAAD, “Where We Are on TV (2019–2020). GLAAD Media Institute, 2020.

 

“List of LGBQT+ Terms.” Stonewall, 2020, www.stonewall.org.uk/list-lgbtq-terms .

 

“Schitt’s Creek – The Wine Not the Label.” YouTube, uploaded by Schitt’s Creek, 2016, https://youtu.be/gdcmhvLaNUs .

 

Shaw, Susan M. Lee, Janet. “Gendered Voices Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings” Oxford University Press, vol. 7, 2019, p. 282.

 

 

 

Gentle Parenting to Combat Toxic Masculinity

 

How are you combating toxic masculinity in your household?