The Importance of Being Vulnerable

Harry Styles isn't always vocal about everything in his life, but when he was interviewed for Rolling Stones magazine, he was open about his masculinity and he talked about how important it is for men to be vulnerable. It's important for men to be vulnerable with themselves and others and to surround themselves with other people who are okay with being open and honest without fear that being open and honest will make them less "masculine." I think men assume that showing their emotions is wrong but I also believe one of the reasons people love Harry Styles so much is because of the fact that he's okay with being vulnerable and he's okay with showing all his emotions, the good and bad, to his fanbase, even if it's just through his music. It's important to be yourself and to be able to express yourself in whichever way you choose and to not worry about how others might perceive you for doing that. Like the article says, "free expression, not toxic masculinity, will always be fashionable."

https://www.bustle.com/p/harry-styles-views-on-masculinity-highlight-the-importance-of-being-vulnerable-18699730

Big Mouth on Toxic Masculinity

Big Mouth is without a doubt one of my favorite shows and a favorite of many other people out there, so to have it address toxic masculinity so directly in it's latest season was really great. It shows a glimpse at what women have to experience on a day to day basis with men blaming the fact that they can't control themselves because of how women are dressed. In the show, the dean implements a dress code and he phrases it as, "To protect our strong, empowered women from the white-hot male gaze, we'll be implementing a dress code" trying to construe it in such a way that makes the girls feel like they're getting a compliment but I'm glad Big Mouth doesn't stop there and shows the girls standing up for themselves and their rights.

Soft but in a strong way

A new skin care line, "Soft", is breaking barriers for men's skin care. With a website not afraid to show the more soft visions of masculinity, Soft is pushing men to leave toxic masculinity out of their skin products.

Soft was discovered by three friends in California who were left wondering why men's skin products featured harsh descriptions and even tougher ingredients. After stealing their wives skin care products, the idea of Soft came together under the question, What does gender have to do with taking care of our skin? 

With soft often being used as an insult to men who fall outside traditional ideals of masculinity, the company is taking the word back. And Soft's images are truly visions of soft masculinity at it's finest. What I love the most about Soft is that it is opening up a space for men to feel comfortable with themselves and their bodies, an idea that often goes unnoticed in a society that pushes men to be tough and rugged. The company is definitely pushing boundaries in an industry where it is needed to make a real change.

Soft skin care website: https://www.besoft.nyc/

Soft Vogue Article: https://www.vogue.com/article/soft-mens-skincare-moisture-mask

Masculinity is Masking Anxiety

This article caught my attention because anxiety is one of the most common types of mental disorders, but I hardly ever think about how it must be for a man to have anxiety.

According to the article,

"Psychologists and  researchers who study anxiety note that it's men with anxiety who tend to fly under the radar when it comes to treatment:Since symptoms of anxiety are self-reported, clinicians and researchers who study anxiety and depression suspect the number of men with anxiety are underestimated. Concerningly, the data shows men are four times more likely than women to die from suicide."

They used an example of Kevin Love, who realized that his mental health was affecting his ability to play basketball, which was a fact that surprised many people despite anxiety, again, being one of the most common types of mental disorders.

It seems like from the beginning of time, men are taught to not accurately process their feelings or do anything remotely vulnerable in fear of being considered "feminine ."

Masculine People and Body Image - How do We Really See Ourselves?

https://youtu.be/qZoNJ0NOetw

Man Enough is a series created by Justin Baldoni in which he challenges himself and all men to question the traditional standards of what it means to be a man.

In this video, he and the men at the table of various experiences discuss body image among their identities and the connects this has to their overall experiences of manhood. In the discussion of the male/man body, it was also wonderful.

I personally resonated with Prince Ea and Aydian Dowling, feeling both that I am too skinny and that I must overcompensate my physically sense of masculinity another way because I am transgender.

I am at a point where I am overall content with my body, being a little over a year on hormones and being almost 6 months post top surgery at the time of making this post.
However I have noticed a rise in issues with my body image, especially as it pertains to fetishization of my body as a trans person.

For myself, I feeling this need to compensate for my size and my transness. I must have a more "ideal" masculine shape; having broad shoulders, minimizing the size of my hips and even feeling self conscious for the size of my larger thighs and butt. These things being attributed to "ideal" feminine bodies along with my lean and smaller frame, I feel disgusted by my body at times, being told my body is ideal for things that I do not identify with or that completely reduce me to a sexual object by people I'm not attracted to (in my experience this has usually been from cisgender men regardless of sexuality).

So I greatly encourage people, especially masculine people and men (or people who aren't men!) to watch this series because its a needed dialogue to get men to develop a healthier sense of self and embody masculinity in a positive manner.

Scapegoating Domestic Violence

This article in The Guardian responds to Joe Hildebrand's interpretation of a recent Australian study on domestic violence. Hildebrand used the study to argue that domestic violence is mostly perpetrated by low-income and Indigenous groups, and that men are victims of domestic abuse just as much as women are. The author of the The Guardian article (Karen Williams) refutes this point by noting that the data in the study were taken from crime reports which over-represent poor and Indigenous populations because of discrimination and under-reporting. Additionally, she points out that white men with higher incomes and higher education were more likely to practice coercive and verbal abuse. Since these types of abuse are not technically illegal they don't get reported and so the picture that gets drawn from crime statistics that over-represent low-income and Indigenous populations.

This article is compelling because it highlights how powerful men scapegoat less powerful men. Hildebrand is a well connected and successful journalist which means that he probably has a fair amount of social and cultural power not to mention economic capital. He is probably not harmed by growing cultural discussions about domestic violence because of that power, and yet these discussions threaten him because he feels that they have the potential to topple the structures that have granted him much of that power (namely, racist capitalist patriarchy). In order to avoid this outcome, he misinterpreted a study and placed the blame for domestic violence on disadvantaged and minority men. In other words, he used poor and minority men's lack of power to prop up his own sources of power. He should be ashamed.

My Masculinity - Reflection of Masculinities in Queer Women

https://youtu.be/7JETves7aPI

I absolutely adore and deeply connect with this video. I originally watched this video a few days after I had had top surgery. Through poetry, three people examine the internalization of toxic masculine behavior and the intersection of masculinity by race.

A section that fully resonates with me even though my gender identity has changed was my interactions with police officers. With many transgender men and trans-masculine people who begin hormone therapy (many of whom in the public eye are white) they are excited to begin hormones overall.

With myself and many other black/brown people there is a large underlying fear when we start hormone therapy. I had this fear because I knew over time (which is now present day) I would look more like a young black man. Knowing this and accepting this consequence, this stereotype of black masculinity being seen as inherently more dangerous than white masculinity still rings true in LGBTQ+ spaces.

Please feel free to watch this video because it may give some of you insight on my past experiences as a black queer (mostly) masculine person.

Household Labor

One thing that’s been looked at and discussed in detail by many researchers and some couples/individuals (myself included) is the division of labor in the household. Many couples seem to be drifting away from the idea that the man has to be the breadwinner in the relationship and the woman has to sacrifice her own goals to be a stay at home mom. Household labor and income is being seen as a shared concern and burden rather than one-sided or decided by gender.



It seems in some relationships both men and women alike are being more firm in their beliefs and wants and resisting the societal expectation of their gender, in the younger generation at least. It’s hard for me to imagine gendered labor and tasks in my life or in the relationships of my friends or family. Chores are chores and nobody wants to do it so why not share the pain, right?!



That being said, I’m definitely guilty of not helping my boyfriend with our household chores more often so it’s not just heterosexual couples that this can be an issue for. However, what I don’t do in chores I make up for in other important home responsibilities and maintenance. We communicate everything we feel and come to agreements on everything that matters most. That’s the key to a good relationship, and apparently also the key to keeping a fair amount of household labor for both sides!



This site has some interesting information on the trends of household labor between couples/parents. https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/11/04/raising-kids-and-running-a-household-how-working-parents-share-the-load/

Make-Up For Men

Makeup for Men: A Starter Kit for Guys Who Aren't Sure Where to Begin

Could you imagine a time back then, even as little as 15 years ago, where there would ever be a big article about the right makeup made just for men? I decided to check on GQ to see if there were any interesting articles and at the very front page with the biggest thumbnail there it was: Makeup for Men: A Starter Kit for Guys Who Aren't Sure Where to Begin. The biggest thing about where this particular article was published is that I’m certain GQ was the same website that was big on re-claiming your manhood in the past. After GQ recently made a survey polling 1005 Americans (Article here), they found that masculinity is changing and that they should change as well. This make-up article even got the award for the best grooming tips for men. What a time to be alive! 

GQ's "New Masculinity" Issue and its Backlash

October's issue of GQ marked a new era for the magazine. With Pharrell Williams on the cover, having a discussion about an evolving masculinity seems natural and timely. Pharrell, who is no stranger to spiritual evolving, speaks about his changing non-binary sense of style and about knowing his limits when it comes to gender expression. What is overwhelming about this article and spread is the confidence that Pharrell has. He speaks humbly, which he attributes to gaining over time, and is secure in his masculinity. Really the message of the whole "New Masculinity" issue and this new era for men is marked by taking steps to feel secure in their masculinity that stray from the toxic ways that men are taught to be. To see Pharrell in big beautiful gowns and pastel coats feel organic, fluid, and unconventionally manly.

Interestingly enough, I stumbled upon the GQ article from a christian news outlet called The Christian Post. What struck me about this reaction article from The Christian Post was just how negative and hateful it was. The writer openly knocks down Pharrell's ideology and despite reading the whole article, missed the overall point of the issue. Like Pharrell, he claims that there is a spiritual warfare going on in this country but it's one targeted at dressing men up like women and identifying as transgendered. The sharp contrast of Pharrell's confidence, humility, and self-awareness with the bitter, unaccepting spirit of the writer from The Christian Post, shows me just how far we have to go in this area. I implore you to read both articles to understand both sides and to reflect on your position in the matter. As someone who likes to play around with fashion, it still astonishes me how much clothing plays a role in social issues and activism. I applaud Pharrell in his efforts and hope that the "New Masculinity" issue opens a dialogue on a subject that's not new although the conversation may be.


GQ's "New Masculinity" issue: https://www.gq.com/story/pharrell-new-masculinity-cover-interview

The Christian Post's reaction to "New Masculinity": https://www.christianpost.com/voice/gq-pushes-new-masculinity-turning-men-into-women.html

Homosexuality=Taboo

Straight men can’t even think about other men in a sexual context, much less act on the curiosity. That's just a death sentence for many men in their peer groups. Being a man and being masculine is associated with having bountiful amounts of women at your disposal, being tough, and being invulnerable.

This has been a problem for ages. Sexuality is fluid for many people, but men are forced to repress anything gay, or anything that would make them feel less “masculine” for that matter. For some, it comes back to haunt them later in life and has the potential to inflict lasting psychological damage. I've heard random stories of men that repressed their sexuality for their whole life only to end up divorcing their wife and losing everything they have just because they finally admit and embrace the fact that they're gay. Some of them never accept it and go throughout their entire life in denial until they're no more.

There’s nothing wrong with being curious and wanting to explore one’s sexuality and identity. How do we make that concept more known and embraced in our society? It’s a problem that’s noticeably on the decline in the last few years I feel, but there’s always more work to be done. With the surfacing of more gender expression these days there needs to be more room for discussion and free expression in regards to sexuality for men.

That being said, as someone living in the younger generation I see an abundant amount of acceptance and positivity toward all people regardless of their lifestyle or identity and it makes me very happy. I know that there's still a lot of negativity and ignorance in our world, but at least we've made great strides.

Sexuality, With Emphasis on “Sex”

I’m sure we’ve all heard the typical story. Boy meets girl. Girl shows even a sliver of interest. Boy gets sexual and expects girl to have an equal response. Girl declines and expresses discontent. Boy kicks girl to the curb. Why does it seem that this is a norm in the dating scene? Whether personal experience or through a story from a friend I’m sure we’ve all heard how men on social media or dating apps almost immediately jump to sexual topics.

This isn’t limited to only heterosexual dating either. Gay dating apps like Grindr that are specifically for hooking up have deepened the oversexualization and emphasis on the physical body. When does a man realize that there’s more to a partner than just sex? Sex and intimacy are important for a relationship of course, but why is that the leading topic from the get-go? Is it the sexualization of women or the body in general in media? Or perhaps more likely, the easily accessed pornography where almost every sexual partner is depicted as this sex hungry object of pleasure who’s only goal is to serve the men.

Many men are taught to believe that part of being a man and masculinity is being sexually active and “strong-willed” in that regard, but It’s hard to understand how someone can behave in such a way toward people and actually expect a positive response. I don’t have to deal with it, and I created distance between myself and people who behave disrespectfully, but I still hear of it all the time unfortunately.

Some humor to lighten the mood. :)

UK's Advertising Standards Authority Bans Ads Portraying Harmful Gender Stereotypes

I had originally planned on writing up a blog post about a Reynold's Wrap commercial I had seen on TV recently. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find the commercial anywhere on the Internet. I did, though, stumble upon an article discussing ads that have actually been banned in the United Kingdom due to harmful portrayals of gender stereotypes. One of the ads exemplifies the stereotype that men are not responsible caregivers. The father is seen letting his child ride away on a conveyor belt while he himself is distracted by food. This is a common stereotype portrayed in the media: dads are fun, carefree, and irresponsible. Not only is this stereotype harmful, but it is also untrue. I was surprised to see the ad had actually been banned in the United Kingdom by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA). The ASA is a self-regulatory organization in the UK. The organization explained that the ad presented a harmful stereotype that should not be circulated. In the United States, ads are regulated by the Federal Trade Commission. I've personally never heard of an ad being banned in the US for displaying negative gender roles. Therefore, it was shocking for me to find out that other countries are taking the steps to do this. I believe this is an important step towards dismantling gender roles and stereotypes.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/aug/14/first-ads-banned-for-contravening-gender-stereotyping-rules

Disney and Masculinity

https://www.sociologylens.net/topics/communication-and-media/masculinity-and-disneys-gender-problem/12550

I read an article about Disney and their representations of masculinity in their characters. The article started by criticizing Disney for their representation of princesses as always being vulnerable damsels in distress. However, most of Disney’s critics comment on their portrayals of femininity, not on masculinity. Although all the princesses serve as the main characters, as their movies are titled after them, they do not serve as the protagonists in their own stories. They helplessly lay wait for the outcome of others’ fight. This can be seen in Beauty and the Beast, where Belle anxiously awaits the battle between Beast and Gaston. The male protagonist always saves the day; he is always the hero. Though there is not anything wrong with portraying men as heroes, this may send a message to young boys that it is their duty to always be the protectors and saviors. And what message does this send young girls? Should they accept that men will take the credit for great endeavors and pursuits? Disney should include more positive representation of both masculinity and femininity alike.

"Bad Boys For Life" No matter what, you are still the man you once were.

The new “Bad Boys For Life” Trailer came out today and right off the bat you can see all the signs masculinity advertising once again. It starts out with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence speeding through Miami with a Porche sports car, talking about being batman and portraying the badass cops they have been. They also talk about how they’re getting old but being the hero, catching bad guys, the importance of brotherhood, family and adapting to the new times. Accompanied by explosions and guns and martial arts, some can argue that this isn’t totally masculine. However, the characters that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence portray are buff, cool, and dangerous cops trying to get the criminals as well as portraying the retired cop that likes to kick back on the sofa and watch sports. These are two extremes that masculinity is permeated.

To show true masculinity is to stick by your brother when he goes on a suicide mission and back him up just like old times. It’s like a war story and I think they advertise it this way to not only to appeal to modern masculinists but also the post-modern masculinists that saw the older movies when they premiered back then. The Bad Boys are adapting to their new life but also showing that they have what it takes like they did back then, and I think in the masculinity standpoint they are displaying, “No matter where you are now you are still the man you once were.”

Masculine and Feminine Love

                       

In the article, In Praise of Masculine Love by Trevor Loudon of the Epoch Times Loudon discusses how masculinity has changed into being dangerous or toxic and how especially Western society has forgotten its masculine roots. Loudon also references the fact that he believes there are two types of loves, feminine and masculine and that masculine love is different but just as important as feminine love. An example that Loudon referenced was a story about a son who turned to drugs and would no longer live by the house rules the mother provided unconditional love and support but that did not keep the son from stopping his drug usage. The father finally decided that he needed to intervene and drove his son to a parking lot and left him there if and until his son decided that he could live by the rules and realize that he was loved. The father found it very difficult to leave his son there and was in agony for the 5 days he was son out of the house, but he knew his tough love approach was something that his son needed. The father did not love his son any less than his mother did he just needed to express it in a different way to try and help his son.

While some may consider the fathers approach tough and too drastic others will recognize that the mother’s softer approach was of no help to her son fighting his addiction either. Loudon was trying to show with the story that masculine love is not harsh, unforgiving or needing to be suppressed. I believe that people in general need both masculine and feminine love and both of those loves do not need to be demonstrated by their assigned gender. Instead, a man can and should show feminine and masculine love as should a woman. The titles these two different love types have received should restricted to their gender as the name implies but rather should be embraced by all and distributed to people at each point in their life that the particular love should be demonstrated.

                                            In Praise of Masculine Love

How Often are Women’s Contributions Overlooked?

Think about the most famous inventors we are taught about in elementary school. Some names might immediately come to mind such as: Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, the Wright Brothers, Henry Ford, and so on. Something each of these inventors have in common is that they are all men. There are few women credited with the invention of many modern wonders, but it’s hard to believe that women have made little to no contributions to technology over time.

With this thought in mind, let’s consider this anecdote from scholar, author, and activist Sandi Toksvig:

“When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. 'This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar' she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. ‘My question to you is this – what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.’ It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women’s contributions?”

I came across this quote while scrolling through social media, and it raised the same question for me as for Toksvig: How often have I overlooked the inventions and ingenuity of women? Throughout school, Marie Curie is one of the only women who is discussed as making contributions to science alongside men during a certain time period and continuing into today; it’s hard to believe that she is one of the only women who made a notable contribution to science and technology. The way in which we are educated and socialized oftentimes discounts women unless the discussion is specifically about them, such as discussions about feminism or notable women throughout history. Over time, women have made notable contributions which have been overlooked and devalued. It’s time we start paying attention to women and their contributions to our world.

Would you say that if she were a boy?

I had an interesting discussion today with my boyfriend Aaron. We were out playing with his 3 year old daughter Abigail in front of our house. She wanted to play in the back of the pickup truck with the hose. Her dad put up there and we went and sat on the porch. As we watched her play, he got nervous about how close she was to the edge. I had no issues with her playing and didn't feel she was in any danger of falling. I then asked him, if she were a boy, would you be so nervous about her playing up there?

He thought about and said he didn't think so. He felt he would tell him to back up just like he told her too. I wasn't so sure. Now, Aaron has only this 3 year old daughter. I have 4 children, 3 boys born first and then my daughter. They are all adults now. I find that I treat Abigail like I did all my boys. My daughter was raised that way as well. I was so used to the rough and tumble life of 3 boys, that when my daughter was born, that is just how I parented.

I watch the interactions between Aaron & Abigail often and sometimes point out that he is treating her like a girl and not just a preschooler. She loves to climb and play up high.

He isn't the only one. When we go to the park, I let Abigail run and climb and jump. When she is climbing, I am not standing under her ready to catch her. I trust her abilities and I know her capabilities. The other parents though always have something to say. "Is she ok up that high?!?", Someone will ask. I say yes of course she is! Usually there are boys up just as high and just as wild and crazy, but no one is asking if they are ok. Those mother's are sitting off to the side chatting or reading and no one blinks an eye, until Abigail is the one climbing. I have always found this quite interesting. I saw it with my own daughter 17 years ago, and now with Abigail. It seems to be a great example of "boys will be boys".

a boy and his dolls

My friend recently told me a story about his dad. Mind you, his dad and him are not close at all and never have been. Just to give a little background info on my friends dad- he was in the military and is a very traditional man. There was an instance where, he was playing with his older sister were playing with her dolls- as a little boy you just want to be involved with your sister and follow her lead, you don't know that what you're doing isn't a social norm.

His father finds out he's playing dolls with his sister and causes a scene. He tells him that boys don't play with dolls and that if he does play with dolls he's a girl and if his son's a girl - he isn't his son anymore. This can be pretty traumatic for a five year old to hear from his father who he looks up to.

He was only five. 

Social Media = Stress

So just the other day, I was scrolling through my Instagram when my younger cousin who is a boy, started an Instagram live. Mind you, he is 11 years old. I decided to hop onto his live to see what he was streaming. When I joined, I noticed he was doing a live chat with him and one of his buddies. Of course, being in middle school, he's getting to the age where girls are becoming a part of their lives in a very different way. Anyways, I got on the live chat, and since my Instagram is private all you can see when you click my profile- is my profile picture which is me in a bathing suit with my friend. His friend clicked on my page and saw my picture and began to saying things to my cousin, like, "DAMNNNN." "WHO IS SHE???" Making my cousin very uncomfortable.

I wrote on the live that I could hear and see everything they were doing and the little boy continued to talk. My younger cousin finally broke his silence and said, "please stop talking about my cousin like that." I sat there in awe of how long it took my little cousin to say something and how even when he did say it he felt uncomfortable and awkward. He ended up getting off live and calling me to tell me he was sorry about his friend and that he didn't want me to feel bad. I told him, that he needs to learn from his friends mistake and never do that to someone because it doesn't feel to great. At the end of the day, he learned and its fine, but I felt stress from social media and I can assure you my cousin is probably never going to get back on Instagram live.... again.

Traditional Masculinity in That 70's Show

I'm sitting here watching one of my favorite shows in the world. That 70's Show. Its hilarious, honest, and sarcasm. Some of the major things I look for when I am watching a show. What is also humorous, is the fact that I never realized how traditional Red Forman is as a father in the 70s. He is a basic man - white, middle class, drinks beer and watches sports. In order for his character to thrive in the show he comes off rude, emotionless and tough, because thats how men are "supposed" to be. Eric Forman, Red's son, is constantly being burned by his father- Red tends to tear him down for being less of a man and for being weak. This goes hand - in - hand with how society thinks we should treat young boys and men that they can't have emotions or show their emotions.

Toxic Masculinity in Ads

Being an advertising and public relations major, I have studied advertisements left and right. After taking my Women and Gender studies courses, I have come to realize that there are many faults in the advertising world when it comes to men and women. I found an ad that really stuck with me,  

this ad above made me cringe so hard. We constantly talk about how many are objectified and made to feel bad in advertisements so that we pay money to change our bodies because it makes us feel less than. When I saw this I really felt awful for how men and young must perceive themselves after looking at this advertisement, that with this Axe body spray they would turn into more of a man with the muscles and the hair. I find this pretty disturbing.
I read an entire article about toxic masculinity, the link is located below.
http://affinitymagazine.us/2017/08/16/lets-talk-about-toxic-masculinity-in-mens-product-ads/

What if we all had periods?

MENstruation ad


I have recently come across an ad for the period absorbent underwear called, "Thinx." In this ad, it shows how men and boys have their periods. For example, multiple scenes include the men asking for tampons, pads, and even a little boy confiding in his dad about getting his period. Not to mention, the very end of the advertisement it shows a boy and a girl kissing, and the boy saying, "I'm on my period," and she replies, "me too" and they continue kissing. This is concluded with a statement at the end that reads, "if we all had them, maybe we'd be more comfortable with them." While watching this ad I felt the comfort of being a woman and having a period become normalized and I felt better about my period after watching this. I know the men and young boys in this commercial had to have a lot of comfort and ability to let their guard down to complete this. I felt like the stigma of periods is being normalized, and how men are slowly becoming more accustomed to it, rather than being grossed out by it.

Link to the ad is below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QEDZkj_Riw

No Box For Me

Being intersex isn’t a topic people talk about often, and is often times seen as taboo. In this documentary the filmmaker, Devigne features 4 young intersex individuals that are stigmatized and stereotyped by society. As one of the constant themes in the documentary being that this non-consensual surgical procedure at birth has led to hindering these individuals identity and not being able to come to terms with their bodies. One interviewee even stated that this non-consensual surgical procedure “likens such surgeries to rape, given their invasive nature on the bodies of people unable to consent”. This brief articles brings light and awareness to the mutilation individuals go through when undergoing this situation. It also brings attention to how society decides what body you’ll live in for the rest of your life and you have no say regarding the matter.

Here is the link to the article: https://time.com/5608917/no-box-for-me-intersex-documentary/

What Boys Need To Know

I recently watched a Ted Talk by Tony Porter and in the video, he talked about his past experiences with the "man box" and how that box is made up of all the things that define a man. He would tell his son not to cry and send him to his room, but comforted his daughter when she would be sad. He also told a story about a time when his "man box" was threatened and he panicked in fear of stepping outside this box. Long story short, because he was always taught as a boy how to follow these social norms for being a "man", he does not know any other acceptable behaviors for men, like showing emotions other than anger or treating woman with the same respect he would to another man.

I think this Ted Talk is a powerful message to men, and women, because he is saying if we teach our sons right, we can change the definition of masculinity to what it should truly mean. If we do not teach young boys how to treat a woman properly without turning them into sexual objects, or thinking that men have more power over women, how will they know what behavior is right from wrong? We need to educate boys and young men that stepping out of this "man box" is not, and should not, be as terrifying as they may feel it is.
https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men?referrer=playlist-how_masculinity_is_evolving#t-651913

"Mommy's Little Man"

So, I have seen that there is a new manly commercial going around called Dr. Squatch Soap. It has a spokesperson with a beard and long hair toting that the soap that you use to bathe, sucks. Stating that you are smelling like mommy’s little man and revealing a shrieking buff guy in the shower and replacing his soap with the Dr. Squatch soap and boasting the natural ingredients.

The spokesperson then goes on into what makes a man; a man. Working hard, being in the outdoors playing sports because you can only be this kind of man by using a soap that is made for men. The appeal of this seems to be advertising for lumberjacks and sailors, the stereotypical masculine entity that is strived for. What did catch me off guard in this commercial is how he has normalized men shedding tears. He emphasized that new modern masculinity encourages that it is okay to practice self-care and show emotions which we all have seen in the past as too feminine. The commercial itself seemed very contradictory, mostly because of how he starts off making fun of those men who smell like “Mommy’s little man,” to then talking about how it’s okay to cry and show emotion. 

Waffles and Spaghetti: A Roundabout Discussion of Cognitive Clashes Between Genders

Have you read "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink"? It was written by a man reflecting on how his subtle, constant disrespect of his wife drove her to leave him. He explains that his habit of leaving empty glasses by the sink was, in his mind, justified, which caused him to ignore his wife's requests that he not do it, as he believed that if it didn't bother him, it shouldn't bother her. He refused to understand why it meant anything to her and usually doubled down on his position in response to her expressions of hurt feelings, realizing too late that what she truly wanted from him was for him to take her seriously and stop doing something that consistently bothered her. "The glass situation," he writes, "could be ANY situation in which she feels unappreciated and disrespected by her husband."

There's a saying that I've often seen make its rounds in the sort of Facebook posts my great-aunts share that goes something like, "men's brains are waffles and women's brains are spaghetti." That is to say, men tend to keep things compartmentalized while, for women, everything is connected. Although the intention of the saying stands to justify gender differences on a basis of them being innate, the observation isn't very far off. Usually, people mix up the cause and effect of inequality, that the system exists due to the characteristics of the people within it rather than the other way around. But I digress.

My stepfather, ever the type to corner people into circle-talking "debates," once asked me why my mother fights with him the way she does. "Whenever I do even the smallest thing," he said, "she blows up and starts bringing up stuff I did weeks or even months ago. How is that fair?"

"Because the thing you did that started the fight probably relates to the past things, especially ones you never apologized for," I replied, knowing he hasn't given a sincere apology in the entire time I've known him. "She's not furious that you did one very small bad thing today. She's mad that you've been doing these small bad things repeatedly, for years, and then you tell her she's ridiculous for being upset about them and keep doing them. She's not yelling at you for one small thing. She's yelling at you for a very big pattern that shows her you're not willing to change in the slightest to make her happy and respect her."

To be honest, I forget how he replied to that.

My partner and I have done a lot of talking recently (and I apologize for bringing up my partner so much in this class, but I've never had such an in-depth look into the mind of someone raised with masculinity, and they gave me permission to write about them for this class anyway so it's fine) about communication and the differences in how we think. I notice that a lot of women tend to grow frustrated when they expect the men in their lives to make connections that the men don't end up making. Because to us, this ignorance seems willful. Undoubtedly, it sometimes is--testimonials of men will show that they learn how to play dumb to get out of doing things--but often, it's just not how they think. Does this absolve them from having to make an effort? Absolutely not. In communicating to my partner, I sometimes find myself tediously spelling out how, when I bring up one thing, I am also trying to highlight another related thing. Like how I sent them "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink" and had to tell them, outright, that I was sending it because the article eloquently explains why I take issue when they rebut my requests by trying to out-logic me.

When I notice these sorts of gender differences, I try to figure out why they exist. Normally, there's an obvious sociological reason for what makes masculine personalities different from feminine ones. But I can't quite figure out waffles and spaghetti. Why do men tend to see things more literally and divorced from context? Why are women more likely to see the "bigger picture"? I'm still not sure. Perhaps it's related to labor; just looking at household chores, men are more likely to be associated with isolated, immediate tasks such as making repairs, while women maintain the cleanliness of a house, a task that is constant and multifaceted. Perhaps, then, waffles and spaghetti are more relics of the cult of domesticity.

The concept of the "gendered brain" caused by DNA is being debunked more and more as time goes by. However, that does not mean adults don't have gendered brains. Profound differences exist between the psychological foundations of men and women, shaped by pervasive gender socialization that starts before birth (gender reveal parties, am I right?). Which begs the question: can men unlearn this compartmentalized way of thinking in order to adapt to domestic life? Can waffles ever become spaghetti?

The Masculinity of Rambo

The Masculinity of Rambo

by Nate Brennaman

            I recently went and saw Rambo: Last Blood in theaters and it made me think of how masculinity was viewed in the ‘80s. Sylvester Stallone, along with Arnold Schwarzenegger and maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme, represent the peak of masculinity of the ‘80s. Stallone’s Rocky Balboa and John Rambo illustrate how violence, strength, and muscles determine whether or not one is masculine.

            In 1982’s First Blood, John Rambo is depicted as a down-on-his-luck Vietnam veteran who has been rejected and neglected by society. This film is very different from the later Rambo movies. It is very much a commentary on America’s treatment of veterans and mental illness. It can also be read as a representation of the failures of physical strength. Rambo fights back against a corrupt police force, but is ultimately bested by his own internal demons and struggles. Physical violence can’t beat mental illness and trauma. In the end of the film, Rambo is reduced to tears when discussing the trauma of the war. In this first Rambo movie, Rambo is ultimately the victim; of war, society, and himself even. Victimizing Rambo “infantilizes and feminizes” him, as Kathleen McClancy puts it (517). A modern viewer of First Blood might view Rambo’s display of emotion as a positive, as I did the first time I watched it. However, at the time of the film’s release, the character’s emotional breakdown would have been viewed as a weakness (but not in a good way). John Rambo is a victim with “no power” at the end of the movie (McClancy 518).

            It is not until 1985’s Rambo: First Blood Part II that Rambo reclaims his power by returning to Vietnam and basically “winning the war” single-handedly. This film is a product of the American Male’s insecurities following the “loss” of the Vietnam War. As the first war that America “lost,” Vietnam is a soft spot for many Americans because this loss is viewed by some as a weakness, a failure of masculinity. If anything, it shows that violence and brute strength isn’t always the answer.

            Getting back to Rambo: Last Blood, this movie is an extremely violent, bloody, and brutal affair. John Rambo is once again a one-man army; this time fighting a Mexican drug cartel that kidnapped his surrogate daughter. I think this movie is a commentary of the aging Boomer generation, the men that fought in Vietnam. It is a “Grandpa Revenge Fantasy” and a reflection of this generation’s fear of aging and losing control. With the aging of this generation, is this the end of violent masculinity? No, it is not. Action films, like John Wick, as well as real-life acts of violence show how violence is still strongly tied to masculinity, even for youngers generations. However, I think there has been a reappraisal of masculinity and violence that has begun. This should continue on into the future.

Work Cited

McClancy. Kathleen. “The Rehabilitation of Rambo: Trauma, Victimization, and the Vietnam Veteran.” The Journal of Popular Culture, vol. 47, no. 3, 2014, pp. 503-519.  MLA International Bibliography, doi:10.1111/j.1540-5931.2011.00878.x.

Negativity Greets Positivity (Social Media Battleground)

It’s interesting that there’s so many negative comments about videos or social media posts that are encouraging the elimination of toxic masculinity in the younger generation. I left an image below of some of the comments on the YouTube video just to show some of the opinions and perspectives. It would seem as with most things that the majority of people that have something bad to say are people that are taking every little thing as if it’s a personal attack on them rather than realizing it’s just a general problem in society. Men and women alike had negative comments for the Gillette ad that addresses toxic masculinity.

There’s speculation by many that the advertisement was merely an attempt to earn money or earn a better reputation since their company is supposedly not doing well, but the message in the ad is still powerful regardless. There are many problem behaviors that can be taught to young boys that they carry throughout their development all the way through adulthood if not kept in check. I even had an argument with a longtime friend about it because as expected, he viewed the ad as a personal attack against his own masculinity and ways of living. He brought up how he and his army buddies would fight to relieve stress. It was a mentally stimulating conversation, but I had to disagree with him that males are naturally aggressive and have urges to fight and explain to him that this message isn’t meant for him, but for our society, and for the parents of the future generation.

It raises the question of what is it that drives this way of thinking and defensive behavior? Could it be insecurity and an incessant need to protect one’s masculinity? A compulsion to conform to please peers and family and maintain an image? No matter the cause I hope people will learn to open their minds to civil conversation and the ideas of others.

Masculinity and Health

I couldn’t go the whole semester without talking about the relationship between masculinity and health. This past summer, I took “Men, Masculinities, and Health” (SYO4424)– which I highly recommend taking, by the way. I found it so interesting, it led me to taking Theories of Masculinities. I’m also taking Research Methods this semester and decided to base my research on the ways that stereotypes about masculinities affect men’s health.

I’ve done a lot of research on the subject and there’s way too much to include in one blog post, so I suggest that you at least read this article from The New York Times that gives you the highlights. 

As most of us know, men die earlier in life than women do. But they also are more likely to suffer from a chronic condition and are 2-18 times (varying by age) more likely to die from suicide. Sure, there are some biological reasons for this, but people seem to neglect the societal factors. 

Because men are taught from an early age to be independent, unemotional, and to not ask for help, men are less likely to get routine physical exam or seek mental health care, even when they are struggling. Research shows that married men are more likely to seek medical care sooner because they have a partner that encourages them to do so.

Men are also more likely to engage in poor coping strategies when they’re stressed like drinking or smoking, which is another reason for the gender gap in health.

I could go on about this forever, but I encourage you to look more into this, as the research is astounding.

Women's Health & Reproductive Rights

In junction with this course I am also taking WST 3015 (Intro to Women’s Studies) this week we’re discussing Health and Reproductive Rights. It’s quite eye-opening to learn that 1 in 10 women are currently uninsured, and are essentially absent to their basic human rights. More often than not, health insurance coverage is contingent on a two-tiered system that produces different outcomes for those who can pay or who have health insurance and to those that can’t afford the insurance and aren’t able to access proper methods for health care. It’s obvious that health care coverage is vital in healthy outcomes, but sadly, some of us lack it.

Below I have attached a website that includes women’s health care and reproductive rights, fact sheets, articles, and so on!

https://nwlc.org/issue/health-care-reproductive-rights/

I have also attached a fact sheet in regards to adolescent sexual and reproductive health in the US.

https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/american-teens-sexual-and-reproductive-health

Masculinity in the Lion King

http://therepresentationproject.org/masculinity-in-the-lion-king/

I recently read an article that discussed the new Lion King live action remake. The article touches on topics of gender and masculinity and how they are represented in both the new and original films. Gender has been an issue in both the Lion King movies because the storyline completely centers around male lives. Although the live action remake was kept quite similar to the original, in terms of plot, songs, and script, they did have a slight improvement in how masculinity is perceived. Mufasa is shown teaching Simba that he should “[look] for what he can give,” not for what he can take, and that it is okay for kings to be afraid. Scar is a foil to Mufasa in that Scar represents toxic masculinity with his thirst for power and domination. Although the movie does feature some strong female characters, played by Beyonce, Alfre Woodard, and Florence Kasumba, they are not asked to step in for the throne. This sends a message to children watching that women are not considered for leadership roles. It is also a little strange since in real lion tribes, they are run by a matriarchy. 

We Want a Leader, Not a Creepy Tweeter

We would be remiss to continue this conversation about masculinity, both the toxic and
nontoxic, without mentioning our current Commander-In-Chief. The man exhibits such
drive to exert himselfas a presence of power, and continues to fail and make a mockery
of himself and the office that he holds. He is obviously intimidated by his powerful
colleagues on the other side of the aisle, namely Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
Using his Twitter account for reference, he tweeted a picture of himself in a what appears
to be a meeting with Madam Speaker and many of their white-male colleagues. In the photo
Pelosi is the only one standing, she is point at Trump and appears to be sternly speaking
toward him, while he sits there and stares. He posts this photo to Twitter with the caption
“Nervous Nancy’s unhinged meltdown!” There is a lot to unpack here, specifically his notions
of a powerful woman within the government being unhinged simply because she is disagreeing
with and berating him. This shows that the man is clearly insecure about his own power and
influence and is seeking to downgrade Pelosi’s. 

These tactics were also observed throughout the 2016 Presidential Election. Trump
continued to attack Hillary Clinton, not because of her policies or her opinions, but
because of her womanhood. Her hair, clothes, and marriage were constantly attacked
more than her political policies. His beratement of women doesn’t stop there.
The infamous “blood coming out of her.. Wherever” quote was targeted at Fox New host,
Megyn Kelly, when she voiced her disapproval of his demeanor towards women.

As we compare these attacks on women to the attacks of their male colleagues, these
attacks are less gendered and less personal. Trump’s comments on Chuck Schumer,
Senate Minority Leader, pertain to his second-in-command to Nancy Pelosi
(note, he is in a lesser position than Speaker Pelosi). These remarks are meant to
emasculate Schumer and discredit his power as compared to Pelosi. Bernie Sanders
has faced scrutiny from President Trump during his election processes, but at least
these revolve around his political views as a self-proclaimed Socialist and not his
pant suits. To finish the list, male Fox News hosts do not usually find themselves as
the subjects of Trump’s comments but many of these men would not be on
the side of Trump opposition. 

Donald Trump continues to exhibit traits of toxic masculinity through his disrespect to
his female and queer constituents. My only conclusion to draw is that he is insecure
about his own masculinity and is seeking to discredit other people in hopes of building
up his own. As a watchful observer, I’d say he is unsuccessful

Sexting

Sexting is very common in the dating scene due to the availability of social media and apps that connect people with each other. Between two consenting legal adults most people wouldn't think twice about it.

One thing I just learned recently was the extent of the consequences for teens that are engaged in sexting. Teens in high school are being charged for distribution of child pornography because sexting and exchanging nude photos is equated to child pornography. This is something that can obviously destroy a life depending on the circumstances and the charges they face. Technology is everywhere and social media is a big part of a teens’ life. It’s so easy to get involved with others and make mistakes.

It’s impossible to control teens, but what can we do to make sure they’re educated and understand the gravity of the situation and the consequences for reckless behavior? Sexuality, curiosity, and the yearning to be desired and liked plays a big role in younger people’s lives. It is crucial we do everything possible to educate, prepare, and protect them.

This site has some information on the sexting laws in FL.  https://www.mosesandrooth.com/look-extreme-consequences-teenage-sexting-florida/

Becoming a Father Changes Your Brain

In my work as a midwife, I am always very interested in the family dynamics as a new baby comes into the family. One of the areas of interest for me in the fathers. So much time and attention is spent on mothers and infant bonding. There is just not much research of father bonding or information about the positive aspects of becoming a father.

I often watch as the women who are in my care, bring other women with them to appointments. Dad are expected to be at "Big" appointments, like blood work or ultrasounds. In many cases I do not even meet dads until I am catching their son or daughter.

Over the years I have seen a shift in this thinking and a more active roles for dads. It's a positive change that I think is very important. The early interactions with their infants are so important. I see a change happen over the next 6 weeks postpartum in the involved dads. I came across this article and I was happy to see there is some science brewing around the changes taking places in dads, after their offspring as born.

Here is the link: https://www.wired.com/2014/07/how-becoming-a-father-changes-your-brain/

I hop research continues in this area. I feel it would help bring a cultural change to the father/child dynamic and help men to explore their nurturing side. I would like to see that nurturing become part of what is considered masculine.

Boys To Men

This year at the elementary school I work at there is a new group called “Boy To Men” where boys are chosen by their teachers to attend the group. The criteria for boys attending this group tends to be behavior based. The boys are in this group to reflect, understand, and build upon on the six pillars of character development: trustworthiness, responsibility, fairness, caring, citizenship, and respect. This group has given mixed emotions about how it approaches masculinity and what expectations a “boy” has.

I bring up this group as they just had their meeting in my classroom yesterday and it was very interesting to observe. It was made up all the “bad boys” in fourth and fifth grade being instructed by our male school dean. I was interested because the dean did not focus on “being a man” or “what a man should do”, instead he focused on goal setting, making a realistic short term goal, and respect. I believe all of these are things kids need to be taught and are not just based on how a boy becomes a man. This is good because they are not being taught that they need to be respectful or set goal because “that’s what a boy/man does”, they are being taught that is what you do be a better person in general, regardless of gender. Where my mixed emotions are in that this type of character development should be given to all students, not just boys. There are girls who are having home troubles, behavior problems, and attitudes which need to be addressed. Just because they are female these girls are missing out on a group setting to work on character development which puts them at a disadvantages. I believe if not involved in this group the girls should at least have their own group to work on respect and other aspects of character development.

The Beard Board: Where toxic masculinity goes to die

Through popular media, it's clear to see that men are often at each others throats for one thing or another. The battle of who can be more manly seems to play out in all aspects of a man's life whether it be in school, work, or in relationships. Instead of allowing men to turn to other men for advice and direction, a sort of social competition exist between them. Despite this, a not-so-new blog platform has been increasingly popular between men who grow beards called The Beard Board.

The Beard Board is a wholesome blogging platform where men in various stages of beard growth post for encouragement and advice. Under the guidelines that if you can't post anything nice or constructive, you can't post at all, The Beard Board celebrates men supporting men and takes away the shame that many men experience when trying to grow out a beard. The overall message of the blog takes form as body positivity and inclusion.

Jeff Falberg, who started the Beard Board almost 18 years ago never believed the board would grow to where it has and feels astonished by the positive response he got to the board. Although not as active as he once was, his staff of volunteers wake up early and make sure to comment and like post that aren't getting a lot of attention and ensure that the overall tone of the board is positive and supportive.

I took a peek at the Beard Board after reading the article, and out of sheer curiosity, and found it heart-warming and personal. Many of the the men include deep descriptions of the hard seasons they are going through and truly feel connected to the group that has pushed them along with encouragement. The Beard Board brings men together, in a climate that often make men battle in hyper-masculinity, and really emphasizes that men should simply support each other and uses beards as its means.

"Where Toxic Masculinity Goes to Die" article

Beard Board: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/jefffsbeardboard/gallery?sid=d464c925b7f34f00df02e63e6dd418f9

An Interview on Experiences of Gender and Sexuality

Performances of gender are often used as signifiers to individuals' sexuality. Men who display signs of femininity, such as Metrosexual men, are often assumed to be gay. Tomboy-ish women who like to watch sports and drink beer are often assumed to be lesbians. These assumptions are especially likely to be made by those with a more limited understanding of gender and sexuality.

After reading about how displays of masculinity and femininity are often misused as identifiers for sexuality, I thought of one of my good friends who is a cisgender straight male that is often misassumed to be gay due to his feminine-leaning tendencies and physical characteristics. I decided to conduct a brief interview with this friend, who I will call Joseph for the sake of anonymity, to discuss his experiences and thoughts regarding the relation of gender and sexuality.

Me: Hi, Joseph. I'm going to be asking you some questions regarding your experiences with gender and sexuality. I am familiar with your experiences being wrongly assumed to be gay and would love for you to tell me more about those experiences.

Joseph: Sure thing. Where would you like to start?

Me: We'll start with gender. Describe your gender identity to me.

Joseph: I identify as a male. I was born a male and identify as one.

Me: Okay, describe yourself in terms of physical appearances of masculinity and femininity.

Joseph: Well I'd say I mostly appear as a "normal" guy, just with some feminine features. Like my hair is really long and that could be described as feminine. I've also been told I have feminine hands and that the way I walk and stand is feminine.

Me: Now describe yourself in terms of personality aspects of masculinity and femininity.

Joseph: I guess I'm feminine in the sense that I tend to value interpersonal relationships, which isn't necessarily a masculine thing. I'm not very aggressive or dominating towards others. I'm pretty willing to talk about my emotions. I tell my guy friends that I love them and hug them. I'm not active or into sports at all. All of those things could be considered feminine. On the masculine side, well, I don't think my personality is very masculine at all. I'm pretty "soft".

Me: Alright, describe your sexual orientation.

Joseph: I'm heterosexual.

Me: What are your experiences with people incorrectly assuming your sexuality?

Joseph: Um, well my family thought I was gay growing up because of some of the things I was interested in. I liked playing with my aunt's jewelry. I also didn't have a girlfriend until around 15 so my mom assumed that meant I was gay. They never explicitly told me that's what they thought, but as I got older I could tell. My close friends never thought I was gay growing up, but people I didn't know as well from school thought I might be. Even more recently, when I've talked about my girlfriend to people at work for the first time, I've had people tell me they thought I was gay.

Me: When did you first experience this?

Joseph: My family probably started making assumptions when I was around 8-10 years old.

Me: Why do you think they made these assumptions?

Joseph: My family is pretty conservative and has limited ideas about what masculinity is or how it does or doesn't relate to sexuality. As for other people that I don't know well, I guess they made those assumptions based on the feminine features I have and display that I mentioned.

Me: To finish up, I'd like to ask what your personal thoughts are on the relation between masculinity/femininity and sexuality.

Joseph: I don't particularly think they're related. I don't think your gender, interests, hobbies, or personality determine your sexuality.

The Bad Feminist

I’ve read this book so many times, and it still preaches to me! The book, “Bad Feminist” by Roxane Gay analyzes and critics herself and how she (in a way) contradicts herself when it comes to the feminist ideology. Calling herself, a“ bad feminist”. She gives examples regarding the taste in music she sometimes enjoys, though it can be degrading and demeaning towards women. Which, I can relate to. I too, from time to time listen to music that projects a negative attitude towards women. Another example Gay gives is that she shaves. Which not shaving doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a feminist, but often times most feminists do. Which, I can also relate too because I shave. While relating to pop culture and her own experiences, Gay understands that herself and no one is perfect but it is best to keep feminism as simple as possible even if it can be a little complex.

It’s a great read!

Here is also a link to an article she wrote pertaining to her book!

https://www.buzzfeed.com/roxanegay/consider-me-already-knocked-off

Many Ways to Be a Girl, but One Way to Be a Boy: The New Gender Rules

This article by Claire Cain Miller talks about gender expression and how it’s socially acceptable for girls to act or dress like a boy– maybe even encouraged. But it is not okay if you’re a boy who acts or dresses like a girl. Girls are often encouraged to obtain “man traits” like being independent and strong. But when a boy has some “woman traits” like being emotional or vulnerable, he’s told to “man up” and not act “gay”. 

I’ve always found this interesting because society finds traits that are associated with manliness to be desired and traits associated with womanliness to be weak. But men being put down and ostracized for showing their emotions or “acting like a girl” is what causes men to resist seeking both mental and physical help when they need it. This contributes to men’s suicide rates being 2-18 times higher than women, varying by age.