Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My Love Hate Relationship With Feminism

Today has been a tough day for me. I have a lot of anger, better explained as rage, directed to men. Before this class I was one of those people that rationalized masculinity and its oppressive nature as "boy will be boys" and "this is how men act". I am not going to go into detail of where most of this anger originated, but to provide some background from the age of 7 i promised myself I would not be "that girl". The images of women I had were very feminine, loving, and strong women but at the same time inferior. From this age I knew I would not have a man dictate how I live my life. I remember the exact day where the seed to this rage was planted and from this day on I became power hungry. I wanted control. I wanted independence. I did not want to be weak therefore I could not be feminine.

Fast forward to the present I have not done so bad for myself. The point I wanted to make is that after taking this class I have become more deeply disgusted with the system/society that has allowed these ideas of masculinity to dominate. I am now concious that instead of rebelling to this gendered image of a female I have done nothing more than attempt to be more masculine. And well we have thoroughly discussed and will continue to discuss how oppressive our American culture has constructed masculinity.

I love this class because I am learning. I love this class because I am becoming more aware. I love this class because it is relevant. I feel priveleged to say that I am receiving the type of college education that many of my peers miss out on. Then again I hate this class because the behavior that I used to excuse is now something I can no longer tolerate. I hate that I can no longer be one of the boys without being disgusted by how many of "my boys" think, speak, live! Days like this I love/hate everything that I have learned. I have a stronger drive to become an activist, but a deeper confusion of who I am or need to be.

1 comment:

Uh-Ti-Uh said...

Thank you so very much for sharing this. :)