Masculinity is consistently being encouraged to be performed by penis-owners, in all areas of life – especially intimate ones. I say this because I work in an adult store, and have recently had several interesting run-ins with male presenting customers, hell bent on asserting their masculinity to me, and other patrons in the store. One that I would like to share can be triggering for some in respect to drug-use and coercion, but I feel it adequately displays the importance that control plays in terms of masculinity and the power associated with it. As a retail store, we carry various forms of stimulants and sensitizers, from topical creams to oral supplements. A customer, being an adult man from Hispanic background (I say this because he likely comes from machismo culture), came in requesting something that would work as a stimulant and/or sensitizer for his girlfriend. Which is fair, and something that we could recommend to him. However, much to our astonishment, he insisted it needed to be something that he could put in her beverage without her knowing, like a tincture or something to that affect. Being a safe and sex positive workplace, we lectured the man about consent and what his request was implying. His response was not very understanding, and he took an aggressive approach, insisting that we were misunderstanding him and he simply wanted to have something exciting and unexpected for his partner. The bottom line is, everyone should always be in the know about what is happening to them, especially in a situation like that. The idea that this concept seemingly strips away power and threatened this individual’s manliness and discretion was eye opening.
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