I work at an adult retail store and have, especially as of late, been in some very interesting discussions with customers, specifically cisgender men. My job presents itself as a safe space and it is within my duties to assist customers in product selection, which requires some digging on my end to receive that piece of personal information from them. Of course, there is the individual who comes in looking for a gift for a friend, and that ends up being a legitimate motive to their visit. But most of the time, when I am met with that awkwardness and uncertainty, it is clear to see that they are hiding behind this imaginary friend in order to not be judged by my coworkers and myself. In my own experience, this scenario rarely plays out with feminine presenting individuals, and I feel that this says a good deal about our current cultural willingness to let women explore with toys and new ideas (so long as they are not having too many partners – heaven forbid). Meanwhile, men are clearly under the impression that there is shame in experimenting solo/seeking new sensations/traveling away from being focused on penis-in-vagina sexual acts. As someone who, mostly unintentionally, does not have close friendships with cisgender men, this situation initially presented me with a great obstacle as I was not sure of how to properly assist customers falling into this group. It has become a goal of mine to make the men that enter my workplace feel comfortable, free, and unashamed.
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