When it
comes to the discussion of masculinity, it’s easy to understand that a particular
question comes to mind: “What does it
mean to be a man?” In film and poetry, this question is philosophical, even
spiritual, but in mainstream society, it’s a concern of aesthetic. When the
rest of the world views an individual, it’s understandable that such a view
would be limited. We can never really know someone; however, we as individuals
have some control of our own
narrative and what we choose to put out to the world. What we put out to the
world includes how we affect others with what we do and say. This image is what
contributes to cultural norms. It’s what builds our society, or breaks it.
The study
of masculinity can easily feel like harsh criticism on men, but it’s truly an
analysis of the culture that affects men, the cycle of turmoil it creates, and
the violence that plagues men. The phrase “Yes, All Men” became a topic of
discussion throughout most of 2016 with debates about the damages such a phrase
could cause for innocent men versus what it’s deeper connotation is. I was
unsure how to feel about the phrase, initially. Admittedly, it wasn’t until
recently that I could confidently place my argument on it.
It’s no
secret that the political climate has become intertwined with social issues, especially
in areas where the safety of women is put in jeopardy. This is not to say it
hasn’t always been this way, but I’m sure we can all agree that it’s obvious
now, and rightfully being discussed. Areas of discussion such as sexual harassment,
rape and rape culture, and the silence that surrounds it are on the rise.
Victims are coming forward and allies use their recording devices to hold
others accountable. The world, as we know it, is changing because the world is
always watching. For men like Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., and Senator Al
Franken, that reality is coming to fruition. Their improprieties are being
revealed and the world is watching for their reaction. In situations like these,
it’s impossible to know how to react. Sarah Silverman openly struggles with it and, interestingly, from a perspective we haven’t heard yet. She isn’t a victim
of Louis C.K.’s, but she’s been friends with him for 25 years. In her
monologue, she poses the question: “Can you love someone who did bad things?”
Although her segment is recent, her monologue cements my understanding of “Yes,
All Men”.
All too
often, abusers are close to their victims, such as family members. Family
members are the people we’re forced to trust under the circumstances in which
we are born. If victimization can come from such an intimate place, it can come
from anywhere. When explaining it to my brothers and my husband, I can only
remind them that I know them well enough to trust them, but not everyone else
does. Trust is, and has always been, something that is earned, not inherently given.
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