Being a "Good Man"

As a child, I looked up to my grandfather, great grandfather, and uncles. I was always told by my family that they were "good men." When they tried explaining to me what a good man was, they would say that a good man liked to work on cars, liked to fix things, worked in the yard, and liked to get dirty. This is the image I grew up with. But then I realized that my family never mentioned honesty, compassion, intelligence, thoughtfulness, loving, and being faithful as qualities that a "good man" possessed. This slowly started to bother me as I would introduce them to boyfriends and the first questions out of their mouths were "Do you like to work outside?", "Do you like to fix things?", or "Do you know about cars?". Not once have they ever asked the person I was dating if they loved me, if they supported my dreams, or if they cared about my education. Then I started paying closer attention to the good men of my family. I learned that these men were abusive, sexist, ignorant, and cheaters. Yet, these are the kind of men my family expects me to look for as a partner. They would be petrified if I chose to be with someone who was kind and intelligent versus someone who enjoyed hard labor. But that is exactly what I will do. I will chose to be with someone who redefines what it means to be a man, in the best way possible.