From almost day one in a man's life, they are pressured by oppressive, aggressive male presences. Things like "suck it up" "get over it" "boys don't cry" "be a man" are all thrown at them from a very early age, from external sources, as well as those they trust the most: Their own families. Most of the time, when family members perpetuate the myth that men aren't allowed to have deep emotions, or be wounded by emotional things, it's not out of malicious intent, its simply a learned behavior that they involuntarily perpetuate out of a desire to help their child fit in, or avoid being singled-out. Every day we as a society make efforts to overturn this impulse, and allow young boys to experience, process, and understand their emotions, to make them grow up into young men that will not be lost when it comes to the complexities of dealing with real life. To allow them to cope with their emotions, rather than bottle them up, and use external dampeners in order to remove those emotions from themselves.
That is not what we are here to talk about though.
The subject of home-grown influences leading young men down a path of violence and despair has been well documented, and well-tread by those seeking to help and heal. A not-often explored element of the toxic masculinity that the boys and men of our world face is the still pervasive presence of patriarchal superiority groups and causes such as the KKK and the Neo-Nazi Party. While obviously, these championers of hate and violence certainly all have roots in the childhood-taught patterns of toxic masculinity, (and the observance of the willful submission of gender-betraying females within these communities of hate), it is the cultural and societal endurance of these groups that form an essential, and highly dangerous step in the cycle of abuse that turns good men cruel.
The examples formed by these hate groups not only force a negative and destructive idea of what a man is supposed to do to be a "real" man, but also provides an example to these young men of what a woman is supposed to be, and if she won't be that way on her own, you're supposed to "teach her" how to be that way. Women being relegated to "feminine roles" in the household or in the community, such as being homemakers, not being allowed to have jobs or speak up for themselves, being forced to endure oppressive, or even violent behaviors, etc. These things all teach young men that to truly be considered a real man, you have to put others down, and assert your dominance over them.
Keeping those that are different from you "in their place" is the cornerstone of toxic masculinity, and it is NOT what being a real man is about. On the surface, strength, honor and courage are great ideals. Being a man is about having the strength to stand up for what is right, the honor to recognize what is wrong, and have the courage to act for or against these forces when needed. To protect those who can't protect themselves, and work hand-in-hand with those who would fight alongside you, no matter what race or gender they may be. For centuries these ideals have been perverted by those who have power, and keep it by providing warped versions of these core ideas to young men. Division allows oppressors to keep power, because while everyone is so busy fighting each other, they are not fighting those oppressing them. Women are the common string through all this. Men of all races have kept women oppressed, hiding behind a long-gone role as protector and provider during primitive caveman times, and as a result of this deep-seeded notion, they pass this perversion of manhood on to the next generation, willfully or not.
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